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Hi. You found me. Thanks for clicking over! Sit and stay awhile..... This is the view from my window... As I move around my little valley I call 'home,' I've had many different views & this is the one that I keep coming back to.

Monday, December 13, 2010

bittersweet, part dos

*This was written December 13th, 2010.
Context: during finals week. Starting to separate from college life & all it entailed.*


this is the second time on this little blog that I have written about life being bittersweet.

Right now, in this time of life,
my life tastes very bittersweet.

I am seeing the completion of a few life goals (graduate college & think about the future).

With that,
I am now experiencing the end of a very awesome period in my life.

College was awesome, I have learned so many things,
been to soo many schools,
done so many things,
studied so many subjects,
discovered new passions,
delighted in new friendships,
had a very great, rewarding, and teaching job,
moved so many times,
gone so many places,
met many interesting people,
lived life with so many different people,
learned to live life with a different purpose, passion, and heart,
grown,
matured,
retreated from fears,
learned to conquer fears with God's help,
cooked many interesting things,
worked out out of my own volition for the first time in my life :) and learned what I liked about exercise,
spoken to very interesting people,
lived with and apart from others I loved,
explored new places,
got lost a few times,
changed,
and then changed again,
experienced loss,
and experienced gain,
learned a new language (or two:),
received smiles, high-fives, hugs, and handshakes from new people,
learned how to throw a football for the first time (it only took 21 years:),
tried new foods,
gone to bed in the wee hours of the morning,
sung Happy Birthday to friends I never could have expected to have,
was challenged by an outrageously large amount of people,
was taught by said amount of people,
had different hairstyles,
shared clothes with friends,
lived close and far away to school,
had my first tastes of alcohol (blegh),
started to vote more informed,
got my first jury duty notice,
became hooked on Friends,
experienced holidays with and apart from family,
met tons of cool kids,
worked hard in school and made the Dean's List!,
received my first ticket(s),
made plans, and then changed them (many times :),
learned how to use Facebook :),
learned how to crochet,
started blogging,
discovered the joys of etsy,
went outside my comfort zone,
met some really cool highschoolers,
volunteered at a burgeoning thrift store,
went on many trips with friends,
had some very fun times with my fellow WWS'rs (my sisters!)
attended and slowly, but surely, became very involved in my church,
was baptized!,
had lots of free time,
became intrigued by design,
started seriously dreaming about the future,
really and truly learned & experienced the meaning of my name,
lived with my sister! (and loved it:),
cooked bacon for the first time,
interned at an awesome hospital,
watched my sister (and tons of friends) graduate from college,
gone to weddings of close friends,
shared in joyous and somber moments with friends,
and started to realize I was growing up.

Among these things,
I think that I valued above other things what I learned from other people, myself, and from God.
The interactions, relationships, and friendships God blessed me with in children and adults alike, allowed me to learn a lot about myself, humans, and about God.
Throughout the past five years of my life,
I have seen many pleasant, unpleasant, expected, and unexpected things happen.
I have experienced death, life, marriage, divorce, betrayal, confusion, conditional and unconditional love, joy, fear, sorrow, delight, hope, discouragement, growth, stretching, teaching, instructing, knowledge, ignorance, oblivion, awareness, grace, forgiveness, repentance, encouragement, & truth...........among other things :)


In the end,
. God,
. Fresno,
. friends, &
. family-
you have been very good to me for the last five years!
Thanks :)

the one where Grace is verbose

You choose.

Please take the choice from me.

For You know the best choice for me.
You know the best plans for my life.
YOU have all the plans for my life.

So, you choose!

Please do not give the choice to me.
I have already shown how I can mess that up.
Please do not give it to me.

.Take.it.away.

And please do not give it back.

Do not give it back until I'm ready.
Until You have decided.

Please show me what You have chosen.
Please reveal to me what You decide for my life.

You have given me these hopes, fears, and dreams for a reason.
I know that.
But,
please show me what to do with them.

Once I get some perspective and feel a little more capable of figuring things out,
you throw me a curve ball.
And it's only a curve ball because I didn't plan it! Ha! The audacity I have sometimes. ugh.

So, please.
Please choose.
And do not even let me try.
Do not even let me start trying to figure things out.
I just can't do it.
I cannot do it anymore.
And I cannot do it for it is not my job to do.
.
.
..
..
...
...
..
..
..
...
...
..
.
.
And then I realize.

You have chosen!

I open my eyes,
look up,
look around me,
and see that, in reality, the only choice I had was to give you the choice.

I wanted to be selfish though.

I wanted to live for myself,
to accomplish my goals,
to live my dreams,
to have my needs met,
to do what I wanted to do,
to live for Grace and Grace only,
to have my life happen just how I planned it.
To live a life not of Your heart, but one where Satan wormed his way in and took over.
To live a life of hedonistic, prideful, oblivious, self.

But that is not what you ask of me or give to me.
You give me opportunities, hopes, and dreams merely as a glimpse into your plans.
You do this to help me realize that you are orchestrating my life.
Your handiwork is all over every single bit of my life.
Your fingerprints are smudged over everything!
For, you give me life!

So, please,
take away my manipulation,
take away my fear,
take away my aggravation,
take away my need to control,
take away my neediness,
take away my co-dependence,
take away my jealousy,
take away my selfishness,
take away my envy,
take away my pride,
take away my incorrect perspective,
take away my self-driven thoughts, ways of living, and ways of relating to others.

Instead,
please.....
give me a new perspective,
give me opened-eyes to see your fingerprints in my life,
give me new dreams,
give me appropriate goals,
give me confidence,
give me (a) passion,
teach me to be content,
continue to humble me,
bring me to my knees daily,
show me hope,
light my way,
guide my feet, heart, and hands,
and if you want,
give me opportunities,
even better hopes, dreams, and goals
 a burning passion of desiring you in ev.er.y. aspect of my life,
rationality,
peace,
solitude,
and responsibility.

Thank you for being You,
and keeping me...well,... me!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

sounds

Silence.

and then....

Tick.


It's funny how just hearing that little sound can make me feel all warm and cozy inside.

Whenever I hear the heater click on I just feel all yummy inside.
As in, I practically jump in bed because I just love, love, love to fall asleep after the heater clicks back on.


Weird, I know.
But amazing :)


I do the same thing when I hear horns of trains late at night.
Except that I don't.
Whenever I hear a train horn late at night, I .literally smile.

Why? you may ask.

Well, I'll tell ya.
I think it might be because I'm a night owl.
And when I'm staying up super late at night and it's very quite all around, you can hear these things.
Also, when I would get ready for bed late at night at home at my parents house, when I lived in dorms in college, and even now in my second apartment, I just love hearing that sound late at night.

And it literally makes me smile.
Like: insert.smile.here.
right..now....

:)

Anyways, just a little note on comforting sounds :)
Gnight!

If I hurry, I'll be in bed before the morning :)

23 things

General to specific, easy to hard, here is my list of

23 things to do before I'm 24:

1. start an etsy shop  (which really means, create a brand, product line, & business plan & then open it :)
2. organize & attack lists of craft ideas/projects
3. learn how to crochet more stitches and (attempt to) make a granny square blanket
4. road trip w/my sis to a new place...cause, uhh.....we both graduated from college! bout time :)
5. read through another book of the Bible, maybe 1 Corinthians or Romans?
6. research & apply for CL internships in CA
7. get involved in another children's or youth ministry/volunteer organization again
8. visit RSM again
9. make lacy's (cookies)
10. crochet a granny square
11. play my guitar again
12. get my very own typewriter (in working condition)
13. visit a friend in another city
14. get a polaroid/instax camera
15. visit family (G&G's) just because
16. make beef bourguignon
17. get Dad to cash in on his target shooting Christmas 09 gift :)
18. move?
19. work hard to meet new people
20. find a church
21. make new friends & keeping the old (one is silver & the other gold. so clever. I know.)
22. having my "yes be yes," and "no be no"
23. becoming a person dedicated to praying. every day. with intentionality

& that's all folks!
Here's to another 5ish months of being 23!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

After...

After having a mini cry fest earlier this afternoon about the bitter sweetness of graduating from college (leaving the comfortable schedule and routine of school) and leaving my job at school (with awesome people, an awesome boss, and awesome experiences),
I decided to stop that nonsense and start something fun!

So, I found some cheery Christmas music (read: Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas music),
boiled water for some Earl Grey tea,
started cooking some couscous,
heated up some yummy broccoli,
warmed up some chicken,
and micro'd some garbonzo beans.

I combined #s 1, 3, & 4 of the warmed up food,
dipped in the tea bag, and sat down to watch some hulu :)

Our God Is Love

This is an awesome song by Hillsong that I just LOVE!!
We learned it at church a month ago and it is just such an amazing expression of love and thankfulness to God!



Our God Is Love - HillsongEvery soul every beating heart
Every nation and every tongue
Come find hope in the love of the Father

All creation will bow as one
Lift their eyes to the risen Son
Jesus Savior forever and after

This is love!
Jesus came and died and gave His life for us
Let our voices rise and sing for all He's done
Our fear is overcome
Our God is love
Our God is love

Every distant and broken heart
Every prayer every outstretched arm
Finding hope in the love of the Father

Age to age let His praises rise
All the glory for all of time
Jesus Savior forever and after

Age to age we will be singing In the light of all He's done
All the earth everyone singing
In the wonder of His love

This is love!
Jesus came and died and gave His life for us
Let our voices rise and sing for all He's done
Our fear is overcome
Our God is love
Our God is love

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Saturday, November 27, 2010

an edited Thanksgiving

*Here is a somewhat edited post from November 27th, 2010:
(I had just come back into town from spending a few days at home with my family for Thanksgiving. Hence, the hysterical babbling, frustration, hand-wringing emotional post)*


I am twenty-three years old.

I cannot handle this God!

I cannot do this!

I cannot help & care for my family without Your help.

It makes me sad.
It makes me frustrated.
It almost makes me angry.


I want to be selfish.
I want to be the one who is helped.
I want what I want.

And then I remember,
that is not how You lived on this earth.
You did not push others aside to meet your needs first.
You said to put the needs of others above our own.
You said to honor our father and mother.
You said to live respectfully,
to show mercy,
to offer grace,
and to help the widowed and poor.

Please help me to help the poor in spirit, for she shall inherit the earth.

Please help me to live as You did: caring, sharing, sacrificing, forgiving, and loving.

Thank you for your mercies, that they are new every day!
Thank you for coming down to earth, to provide a better way to live exemplified through your incarnate son Jesus!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Song-sies

Here are some current faves.
Some new, some old, I tried to find good videos for each one!

Your Love : Brandon Heath

Closer : Shawn McDonald ........ acoustic version

For Those Who Wait : Fireflight

Freedom : Run Kid Run  ....soo good! And it includes a verse that is similar to my memory verse for the week! Gal. 5: 16
.. {So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.} ..

Something Holy : Stellar Kart

Yahweh : Hillsong

Beautiful : Phil Wickham

The Earth Is Yours : Gungor

As Long As You're Mine : Wicked

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

fun words

Here are some fun words to sign in ASL:

awkward
show-off
place
bacon :)
facebook
meow
lucky
fire
exciting
do you mind?
Starbucks
camping
Wyoming
Korea
famous
ghost
France
California

Look them up here!
..  http://aslbrowser.commtechlab.msu.edu/browser.htm  ..

RSM

This year I celebrated Veteran's Day by....
......leaving the country..
..........and going to Mexico!
(Well, I didn't really celebrate it- just had a day off from school :) Anyways...

For my CDDS 163 class (ASL/English Acquisition of Deaf children), we were scheduled to go on a field trip on Veteran's Day to visit a residential school for the Deaf in Fremont. Later I heard from my Mom that she and my Dad were going to go back to Rancho Sordo Mudo again. I realized quickly that RSM is also a residential school for the Deaf- they just use LSM instead of ASL. After talking to my teacher, he said that it was fine for me to go there instead of with the class. Alas, I then started making plans to go down to Rancho Nov. 11-13th.
I couldn't miss school on Tuesday, so I planned to drive to Bako and then head down to Mehhico with mi amigo Omar on Thursday. However, after many changes in plans, we had to leave Wed. night which meant we arrived at his grandma's house at about 1am on Thurs. morning and then had to leave at 8am to get to LAX on time a few hours later. We went by LAX so Omar's friends' wife could make her flight, and then we headed south for awhile. We met up with Omar's friend, Rudi, where Alex (1st friend) parked his car. (I'm still not too sure where we actually were at that point.) We had lunch at In-N-Out which was an experience in itself (for me at least).

miskellaneouus.....

So many things to say. So few words in which to express them!


Ahhh.....it's a Nickel Creek kind of night!
Listening to Ode to A Butterfly.
wondering when and if I will ever reach their superior level of musicianship.
sigh......
(and I do not take that sigh lightly.
I do not really like doing the whole figurative description of your emotions.)


Anyways......God is good!
All the time he is good!


A verse I heard on the radio earlier today spoke about when we ask God to bring happiness during trials.

The first thing that made me sit up and turn up the volume was the fact that it is a very accurate statement!

Oftentimes, we pray for happiness. Wishing that we can.just.be.happy. Like, "is that so hard God?"
"Can you just take away the yuckiness, take me out of this funk, and make me feel happy?"

Something the pastors at my church talk about frequently and then when we studied James this summer, they discussed the fact that God does not promise us happiness in life.
He does not promise that we will always have everything together, that we will not experience pain, that we will not face suffering, or that we will even feel happy.
This is something that is often inappropriately glossed over in Christian circles.
In James it says that we will face struggles and trials of many kinds.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. "    James 1:2-4
God tells us here through James that we will  suffer and have pain in life (as in, 'sometime in the near future this will definitely happen' type of whenever). Moreover, God does not promise us a life of happiness but he does promise us a life of suffering and . Although that does not sound too enticing, doesn't it sound better when we consider Heaven? If our life is only considered a blink of time in God's timetable, I would much rather experience true, full, joyous happiness when I'm at last in the presence of God, with all of the other believers from this entire world.

Now, after thinking about all of that in a millisecond, I then perked my ears up to hear the following verse:
"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation."       Psalm 5:3
I loved what the guy on the radio said. Just like a pregnant woman is expecting, knowing that she will eventually have a baby but cannot hold it yet, we are to wait on God.
As a follower of God, this means that I am supposed to present my requests to God, and then to wait on Him.
He will give an answer.
He will respond.
And by waiting in expectation, I am then waiting in faith.

Honestly, for a long time I didn't really understand what faith was exactly. (I'm still trying to wrap my head around it too.) Just like "abiding in Christ", come on?
Yes, you hear people say to "have faith", "these three remain: faith, hope, and love", and "you gotta have faith." But what does faith really mean?
I think that I just equated faith with trust. But faith is so much more than that.
To have faith, is just like the verse above states, to believe in what God has in store: God's plan for the future, what can, and what will happen.
Also, just like an expectant mother, "waiting in expectation" or having faith in God, is knowing, believing in, and not diverting from the outcome, which is that God's will will occur.
You know what, I think that that little "taking a minute" clip on the radio helped me and assured me that I'm actually understanding what faith is!
Thanks Jason Anderson!


Last Thursday I felt like I had a sneeze stuck in my nose.
....all...day.........
.weirdest.feeling.ever.

I went to Valle de Guadalupe near Ensenada, Mexico on Thursday.
I went with my friend Omar, who grew up there at Rancho Sordo Mudo.
RSM is a school for Deaf children. Although they used to use ASL, now the gov't makes them teach LSM (lengua de seƱas mexicana) which was sometimes confusing for me. ASL and LSM share some signs that have the same meaning, they also share some signs but have different meanings for them, there are slight differences in handshape/location of certain signs, and then there are just a lot of different signs in LSM.
After spending time with tons of Deaf people and kids who only use sign language to communicate, it was really hard to only use my voice when talking with people!
Haha. Case in point:
When I was trying to order food at McDonald's in Rosarito, I couldn't remember the words in Spanish so I almost started signing to the guy at the register!
(Which is another story in itself! Somehow, by focusing so much on signing, I seemed to have lost all my Spanish vocabulary! I could barely remember anything! Agh! So frustrating! If I go back sometime soon I definitely need to brush up on my Spanish! Or at least speak with my Spanish speaking friends.)
Okay, okay. Before I make a long story much, much longer, I'm going to head out and save my RSM trip for another post.

Wilhelm.....out.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Currently...

I'm tired of studying the differences between lymphedema, lymphopoiesis, hematopoiesis, cytokines, B cells, adema, and other things about the blood and lymph systems, so......here are some songs I have been listening to! (Hint: click on the artist's name for a video!)

You Are For Me -Kari Jobe
So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true

So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

To remind me who you are

Your Love -Brandon Heath
I felt it first when I was younger
A strange connection to the lie
I tried to satisfy the hunger
I never got it right
I never got it right

So I climbed a mountain and l built an altar
Looked out as far as I could see
And everyday I’m getting older
I’m running outta dreams
I’m running outta dreams

But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love

You know the effort I have given
And you know exactly what it cost
And though my innocence was taken
Not everything is lost
Not everything is lost

But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love

You’re the hope in the morning
You’re the light when the night is falling
You’re the song when my heart is singing
it’s Your love
You’re the eyes to the blind man
You’re the feet to the lame men walking
You’re the sound of the people singing
It’s Your love

But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love

But Your love
(Your love is all that I needed)
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
(Your love is all that I needed)
It’s Your love
Your love
It’s all I ever needed

Yahweh -Hillsong
Our God He lives forever
He reigns in power and love

Let earth bow down before Him
For He is exalted

We look to Yahweh Yahweh
Forever Yahweh Yahweh

Our hope is God Almighty
His love is greater than all
Lift high the God of heaven
Give all the honor

We look to Yahweh Yahweh
Our hope is Yahweh Yahweh

He shall reign forever, He shall reign forever
He shall reign forever and ever
He shall reign forever, He shall reign forever
He shall reign forever and ever, our God

Monday, November 8, 2010

Long time, no write.

I know, I know.  :(

Anyways, here are a few places I have visited lately......

Heading here on Thursday!
http://www.ranchosordomudo.org/

Fun music!
http://www.theinnocencemission.com/

Isn't it crazy that in all of the political chaos and hullabaloo in our recent elections last week, that something like this can exist not too far away??

Inspiration!
This makes me wish I owned a paper punch.
And this makes me wish I owned an even bigger one :)
And lastly, I want to make some of these: hurricane lamps, flowers, this wreath with amazing flowers!

Working on my Christmas wishlist :)
My mom started asking for it last week- before it was even November!!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Fall

If it weren't for (a few) trees changing colors,
it would be hard to say that it's actually the beginning of November!


psh.
Fall in Fresno?
Nope, after triple degree summer weather, we usually skip over fall and head straight to winter!
ugh!

Case in point:
A few weeks ago it actually felt like Fall was coming.
And then......nothing.
Actually, the weather became MUCH warmer.

Monday, October 25, 2010

not much

The not much to say post. (Also known as the most boring-post-that-also-doesn't-update-you-on-anything-interesting post.)

So....Let's just say that life got a little crazy, and while I was reading a lot of blogs, I just didn't get the time (read: even think about posting:) to post any of my own!

All this to say, I don't even really have time to be posting now.
How in the world is it 11:30? And how am I still awake? so tiredBut, and that's a pretty big but, I'm doing good, livin life, loving God. You know, the usual.

I thought I should document this rather pulling out my hair -er, wringing out wet towels- frustrating experience that happened recently. So living in a bitty townhouse, we have a tiny patio (read: square cement slab with dirt, mud, & spiderwebs) of a "backyard." As a result of the overpowering cobwebs perpetually spun hither and yon, we don't really go out there that much. I mean, we open the door to let fresh air in, we water our two withering plants on aforementioned slab, and occasionally I venture out to tackle the spiderwebs every so often.

Friday afternoon was such a time where I sojourned rather bravely. I realized quickly, that there was a bunch of crud all over the dirt/mud close to the spigot and a random pipe.  After closer inspection, I realized that it was bits of uncooked rice, eggshells, and grape tomato skins -all items I ran through the garbage disposal a few days earlier. Also, I noticed rather suddenly that it smelled quite foul by that area of yucky food-ness. (Note: the kitchen backs up to the exterior wall.)

Needless to say, I was rather flummoxed, (yes, I've been wanting to use that in a sentence for quite a while now:) and could not figure out how the food mysteriously ended up outside where it was. Upon closer inspection, I saw a cap/lid/stopper thing in the muddy food junk but I didn't want to touch it (due to all the mud), nor did I know what to do with it.

Fast forward to about four hours later when I was doing dishes in the kitchen that evening. (I know, exciting times- dishes on a Friday night?! I know, I know, I'm too much for you, sorry, but that is just the truth- plain and simple :)  I started rinsing a few things and washing a few pots & pans by hand in the sink. That was when I noticed the sink wasn't draining. Suddenly, I thought, "What if that water is going out the pipe outside where all that yuckiness is?" After turning off the faucet quickly, setting the pot down, whipping the door & screen open, I stuck my head out to find............. water rushing out of the pipe in the wall by the spigot!!!! After saying, "Ew, ew, yuck! Ew!" a few times, I realized that I should probably plug that baby up and stop doing the dishes so more disastrous drainage would not occur.
Theeennnn.....after debating on whether I should run the dishwasher or not due to the strangely acting pipes, I decided to try to have at least a few clean dishes and started the cycle.
After settling into Friends with the sis, I went to put something into the trash can that is next to the dishwasher in the kitchen. And that is where I stepped innnn........water! Ugh! I turned on the kitchen light and realized a HUGE puddle of water was all around the dishwasher and threatening to spread farther towards our table & chairs. I then stopped the washer and cleaned up the water (er, rather, threw a towel on the mess) and decided to deal with it in the morning. The maintenance guys don't work on the weekends at our complex, so we were in for a sink-less kitchen for a few days. Needless to say, my sis did NOT have the foresight to not make a huge mess whilst making banana bread and added even more dishes to the mess of our week's accumulation of dishes. Today came and went and we didn't have time to curb our catastrophe of dishes (read: I decided to go on strike against doing them). It was getting so bad that we had to wash any utensil we needed to eat with on yesterday & today. ugh. and double ugh.
Tonight, the sis finally got the motivation (after .quite.a.few. rather forceful hints) to tackle the mess. After plugging away and washing for awhile, I noticed that the there was, yep, you guessed it!....a HUGE puddle on the floor by the dishwasher/trashcan/table area all over again!
Ah!! So, tomorrow I'm putting in a work order as soon as I wake up & hopefully we'll get the problem solved. (And maybe, God would motivate the sis to do dishes more often? I'm still on strike :) )

I'll keep you posted, I know you're now waiting in anticipation to see what the darned problem is with our plumbing over here in So. Fresno!

Long story short, I did not have the clarity to write all of that at this time of day so, sorry if it is rather jumbly.... jumbled? Did I just make up a word? Oh no, this isn't going to a good place.
I'll
be
done :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

since

Since I'm tired of studying for my medical terminology midterm....
.....tired of studying the different body cavities, positions, planes, anatomy & pathology of the urinary, nervous, cardiovascular, and respiratory systems....
  SO here is a lovely song that played after a fave: Forever Love.
Here it is: Unpredictable by Francesca Battistelli.
She has such good perspective and wisdom in her lyrics!

Got my thoughts
I got my words
Got this head full of answers
Got You wrapped up
Got You under control
See my future like the past behind me
I think I know where You’re leading
Don’t need no questions
Don’t need no rocking the boat

But I just forget all the mystery
I just forget who You are

(Chorus)
When I know that I know
What You have down the road
When I’m sure that
I’ve figured You out
Help me see that I’m small
That I can’t know it all
‘Cause You’re so unpredictable
‘Cause You’re so unpredictable

You said the foolish
Would shame the wise
To put my faith
In what’s beyond my eyes
And to believe You
I have to come as a child

So help me to rest in the mystery
Of what I can’t understand

Can’t wrap my mind around You
Can’t put You in a box
Can’t keep You safely contained
You’re gonna move the way
You wanna move today
Just let me follow along

Thursday, October 7, 2010

it's that time of year....

I received this e-mail earlier today:
"I want to start my Christmas shopping. Can I get your list?
-Mom"

Funny I should get that! I just found something I want to ask for :)

jewelry stand
felt!
polaroid camera/magnets
Brooke Fraser cd
brandon heath cd
iMac? :)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

A Follow-Up

And because I didn't post any pictures of pumpkin loveliness a few posts back.......

Here's a little something to tide every Fall-lover over for awhile.
Or at least until we get some of our own :)


And, I simply cannot believe that at this time last year it Fall was in full force
.........................and I was making tons of these amazing muffins once a week.
sigh
I miss Fall :)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

A little bit of this.....

Just doing a little blog hopping, and window shopping, and craft dreaming, and eye-candying  :)

Here are a few of my fave's from this morning's jaunt:

I can picture myself making Quite A Few of these for a wedding or shower or party someday : )


I want to make one of these. ASAP. not sure where I would put it though- maybe on a cute little shelf, over my desk? Yes. That sounds good.

Dreaming about making something that looks a little like this.....




Also, I woke up wanting to go to a yardsale. Or a thrift store. Or to a craft store.
I want to get my bargain hunting/crafting/DIY-ing on!!
Speaking of all the above things, here is a good blog that incorporates reusing for DIY-ing!    Under The Sycamore

Another good note, I can feel a little nip in the air....I think it's about time to make my first batch of pumpkin spice muffins!
(Maybe that's just the AC in my apt. though. It is 100+ degrees outside. in October.)


And lastly, my mom messaged me saying she couldn't sleep one night. She turned on the tv, watched jimmy fallon, and saw this little clip!


Time to go!
I'm meeting a friend for a late lunch @ Panera after she gets off work.
I want to surprise her & visit her at work first though :)
Soooo..........off I go!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Pumpkin & other unrelated things

Apparently there was a pumpkin shortage last year.

Which explains why there was hardly ever any cans on the shelf after, say, October 5th.

Which also happens to be when I made my first batch of pumpkin spice muffins.
and second, and third, and fourth, and fifteenth, and seventeenth.....:)

It was quite tragic to walk to the certain part of the baking aisle and see an empty shelf.
Seriously, sometimes I would just stand there and stare for awhile.
Willing some cans to appear.


This year I was stocked up before fall began (on Wednesday:) and I don't plan on running into that problem again!
It's like buying chapstick- you can never have too much. And you never know when you'll need it!



And onto other unrelated things.
I have been horribly addicted to procrastination lately. Mainly by watching some show online to avoid doing homework.
Ugh. It is not fun.
I am definitely working this one out with God's help.

Secondly, I have been having weird technological problems lately.
Like the internet not working at my apartment ALL WEEK (until yesterday).
And being unable to open up documents posted online for my class via BlackBoard.
And not understanding the Mac computers I use at school sometimes.

Thirdly, I set up a skype account today and talked to a friend at school!
I wanted to sign with my friend Omar for a long time and after giving up on a few other programs, I downloaded skype on a compy at school & then was able to talk to him right.then.and.there!
It was soo cool!
He helped me out a lot by getting some good practice in (I used a TON of signs that I have been learning & relearning in classes) by talking for a long time. He also corrected me a few times (oopsy) and then taught me a few new signs (and some ones I learned a loong time ago but forgot).


Fourthly, I canNOT believe Fall is here & it actually felt like Fall on Wednesday!
Although, being the Valley, it was above 100 degrees today. Which is rather fitting- because usually the weather around the time of the Kern County fair is really nasty (read, hot, dry, & especially dusty: ie. dusty @ the fair grounds). oh, and the KC fair started last week and I actually wanted to go.
I cannot remember the last time I went to a fair. Or saw the little animals. Or wouldn't mind battling the crowds.
Awhile ago, a friend told me that she is becoming increasingly aware of the fact that she is more introverted than she realized. I think that I'm more exhausted by crowds than I ever realized.

Fifthly, I am loving my job.
God seriously blessed me and hooked me up with a great job where I get to use my natural talents and skills to bring out better writing skills in other students. It is very rewarding, sometimes draining, yet quite unique.
I cannot even remember getting the job (even though it hasn't been that long:) because it was always a smooth transition. I think that doing this job at my last college I am attending has taught me a lot and I have definitely learned how to be a MUCH better, professional, and effective tutor. I think I had the right tools to learn from at my previous tutoring position, but I matured, was prepared, and was ready to learn more at this second position.

Sixthly, I am sporadically reading a lot of blogs lately.
I got kind of burned out on reading them every.single.day towards the end of the summer so after a nice break (during which school completely freaked me out & threw me for a loop), I am now slowly revisiting a few I grew to love.

Seventhly, I am slowly but surely starting to like mac's more than pc's.
They are readily available at school, have nicer features, and I am definitely learning a ton about them every time I use one.

8thly, I have a cold.
I'm actually surprised I didn't get sick sooner.
Because, really, no sleep, no food, and a TON of stress does not make for a healthy, perky, and joyful Grace.
We all know she's a night owl and not super into morning-y type things.
Like waking up. Being outside before the sun. or Getting ready super fast/early.
However, we did not know that she is now a 'in bed before 11 is awesome!' type of gal.
And ugh.
I don't really ever sneeze unless I'm sick.
(strange, I know. it's actually a good predictor for when I get sick.)
And who knew being sick would be an easy excuse for avoiding homework and watching a whole disk of Friends?!
And I'm now drinking water
like there's no tomorrow.
Or like it's going out of style.
Or.....well, I can't think of another cliche.

9thly, I am surrounded by, engulfed by, and my head is swarming with words! language! learning!
I didn't realize until a few days ago that I work with, think of, and study words and language nearly every day of the week. ASL, English language acquisition, rules of English, punctuation, reading the newspaper. It's everywhere.
(And I'm loving it :)



10thly, I am now making up number-y sounding words!
Yep, the time has come to go to bed, close my eyes, and rest my aching head.
I told myself I wanted to make it to 9 o'clock and darn it, my clock says 9:34 so I think it's time to sign off!
As I said before, I'm sick and my head is super full of gunk and congestion.
Now is the time to (try to) swallow some NyQuil and start dreaming!
G'night all!


And 11thly, I miss my button for my /? keyboard :(
poor thing bit the dust when a curtain rod fell on it 2 years ago :(

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

All the time....

It's all about priorities isn't it?

Lately I have been.....

reading, studying, and thinking a ton,
watching way too many shows online (cutting back on that),
checking FB waay too addictively (on a FB fast right now),
enjoying precious chunks of time with friends I don't get to see often,
needing tons of sleep,
working, studying, and doing lots,
not checking the blogs I like quite as tenaciously,
not shopping nearly as much,
not stalking/creeping on people as much (via blogs & FB)<
reading my Bible much, MUCH more!
.....learning about life, people, myself, and God.

And you know what?
When it comes down to that last line, I'm pretty sure some of my proactive steps at prioritizing my life has been much more healthy lately. Good, right?!

Living, loving, and learning.
Yep, I think I'm on a good track to spiritual healthiness.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

crazy-awesome newness!

So much going on in my life lately.

New friendships, classes, homework, languages, words, responsibilities, a CRAZY schedule, new songs, new verses, new places, new lessons, new routines, new Learning.

NEW.

And CRAZY.
And busy.
And ridiculous.
And nerve-wracking.
And AWESOME!


Studied Romans this morning for quiet time.
Was reminded of this: Micah

In like with this song (and the artist :)

*Turn off music player before watching......or go towards the end of the player and listen to the recently added stuff by F+TM*

Currently in like with these artists too:
Kerrie Roberts, Manafest,
F+TM, Jenny & Johnny,
Seabird, Chris August

Back in like with these artists too!
Group 1 Crew, Stellar Kart,
Hawk Nelson, The Afters,
FFH, Jason Gray,
Norah Jones, Molly Jenson

Friday, September 3, 2010

Not much going on....

Got a ton of stuff done today.
I had work, then an hour and a half break, then class, and then class!
It was so different to get home only in the late afternoon and not mid evening like Wednesdays! (And to think pretty soon I'll be going strait from my 4-6:50 class to Bible study for a few hours!)
The sun was still bright and shiny (and hot!! -although it didn't feel like the predicted 110 degrees).
I actually got to see the seester when I got home for a bit.
We actually talked to each other.
Face to face.
Not texting.
Not facebooking.

It was a Thursday miracle! (well...not really.. but it sure was nice :)

Got a ton of stuff done, ate an awesomesauce dinner (which was rawther drippy :), caught up on some blogs, e-mail, school graduationy stuff, and made some phone calls. THAT is why I am now rebelling to the fact that I...wait for it.....I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TOMORROW!!

Seriously people, you do not even know what this means for me!

After go, go, going all week, it's nice to have a morning to sleep in and only have commitments after lunchtime and not 9 o'clock like I do every morning :) Not that that is even that bad- I'm just not a morning person and I prefer to wake up around/later than 9 -I don't like having to be raring to go, ready to work, and having to make capable thoughts & decisions then :)


Oh the bliss of not setting an alarm clock!! (At least for one day, and then it's up at the crack of dawn to jump-start my holiday weekend going to the Country Fair at Hume!)

Woop! Woop! Well, I really should go. I wanted to be in bed waay earlier, but alas, I fought through the sleepiness and am now meeting the exhaustion and slowly blinky eyes stage of my tiredness.

Okay, now I'm really going. After making up some really strange words this is now starting to sound like that conversation you have with someone when saying goodbye from chatting online or something.
-"Okay I gotta go."
"Okay."
-"Talk to you later!"
"Yeah, sleep well."
-"K. Thanks. Will do."
"Yeah no prob."
-"Bye."
"Bye."
-"See you tomorrow."
"yeah-"  err....awkward moment after noticing your friend finally gave up and just up and logged on you. effectively ending that never-ending convo.

So now that I've effectively given an example and then further proved my point in laboriously delaying an ending, bye now!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

New Song!!

LOve this one!!



*Don't forget to pause the music player on the right -->

Here's another one from the husband of Blanca from Group 1 Crew:




New artist Kerrie Roberts!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

blarghmprlstltskin

disappointed, and angry, and frustrated, and annoyed, and excited and nervous.

That's how I feel.

A jumble. A scribble.
A MESS.


And here is a pictorial representation:


and in happier times:
a beautiful mess!

.....because I know that "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:37-39

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Fun video!





Sound a little familiar?
I can't quite place where I have heard it before. Maybe in a movie?

Saturday, August 7, 2010

8/7/10

So I'm back from vacationing in Monterrey and into the (almost) triple digit heat. :(

As we were driving into Fresno yesterday we got off the 99 at Shaw Ave. when my dad realized the car was overheating really badly. So he immediately shut off the ac, rolled down the windows, and cranked up the heater. (apparently the heater can help the engine to cool off somehow) To put this into perspective, we had been driving for a loong time with fairly heavy traffic (read: s.l.o.w.) and when we had our picnic by the coast we were cold and wearing coats. Then, we slowly drove into the dry valley heat and then bam! We hit really bad traffic, heat, and had to quickly usher in that heat with rolled down windows and a cranked up heater! Ah! That was an experience :) Luckily, we only started overheating once we got into town and not earlier, but Rachel and I were glad we weren't driving the 2 more hours to Bakersfield with our family :)

We had a fun time in Monterrey and I think my first time as the 'event planner' for our trip was a success :)

We did many fun things (probably post on that later) and now that we're back in the dry, dry heat of Fresno, we're just glad to stay inside in the ac.

We don't really have that much food in the fridge, just random stuff like super old hot dog buns, basil, limes, and leftovers from last night. Needless to say, I had a microwaved poached egg & toast for breakfast. (I have been super into toast lately!) I think I just might have those leftovers from Little Peking: orange chicken, steamed rice, one egg roll, & one fried shrimp. yummm!!! I'm not usually into egg rolls (& I try not to eat fried foods too often), but I'm hoping they will be good!

I'm so sad that I left my Newman's Own Pesto & Tomato Sauce from Grocery Outlet in the car :( I can just imagine eating a pasta dish with this sauce on top & then sopping up the extra sauce with Artisan rolls from Fresh & Easy (ohmagoodness. simply uhmazing!). Maybe paired with a salad of romaine, homegrown tomatoes, carrots, sunflower seeds, raisins, hard boiled eggs, and Newman's Own Olive Oil & Vinegar Dressing on top?
Wow. I just made my mouth water a ton :)   I still haven't had lunch okay? :)
Now some people may say that's a lot of processed flour, but I don't care for whole grain wheat pasta unless it's mixed with other things. And the rolls .are.a.mUst. with that type of delicioso sauce! Now that I think about it, a whole grain wheat pasta might actually be good with that sauce. And a few shavings of a salty parmesan on top of course!
Now that I'm so excited about this, I think I might actually make this when a friend comes to town tomorrow!


Also, while sitting in my pleasant ac-regulated apartment,  I discovered a few fun blogs last week that might be fun to check out.
{Eat, Live, Run}  has yummy looking recipes and fun stories of a California newbie &
{Ashley Ann Photography}'s blog has fun DIY posts and other fun things (design, family, food)
also, as I was catching up on designmom's blog, I found some other fun things like:
{Kelly's Cakery} where you can make virtual cakes & banana splits to raise money for ovarian cancer research
{White on Rice Couple} has a fantastic blog where you can find great posts on food and fantastic pictures
{Oh How She Glows} is an interesting blog of a girl who detoxed and started to eat healthier & has interesting recipes (a little too -natural-foods-intense for me though)
I really miss reading Pioneer Woman & deisgnmom, but I have to really limit my time on them bc they're so comprehensive!
{The Story of Us} is always a fun little peek into a super cute girl's life of friends, family, and designy fun!

Okay, I think that's enough for now :)


Oh, my sister mentioned to me yesterday (after we scored some fun -& super current- free magazines @ the Monterrey Library) that she almost bought me a magazine last week about flea market finds. I would simply LOVE it! But like she pointed out, 8 bucks is a lot for a magazine! Such a nice thought Kelly :)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Random thoughts

Here are some random thoughts from a random day.


Lately, every time I go to check something out at the library I cringe at the notice of my fines.
I currently owe $9.75 but I swiftly touch the screen to go past that part and continue on with checking out my books.

I guess that's what I get for stealing music from the library. and movies. (well, really, I'm just putting them on my computer. Not simply never returning them. But, yeah, I know it's still stealing.)
Or not. There are seriously dumb people who work at the library closest to my abode and after turning in two items (admittedly, they were already 2 days late as I forgot & was out of town) I realized ten days later that they were never checked back in. After calling to fix that problem, I later discovered I was still fined for having them checked out for over two days ($4.25). However, before that, I went to pick up a few things on hold and while browsing the movie selection, I saw one of the very things I still had checked out on the shelf. As in, my movie was put on the shelf without ever even being checked back in. ugh. ah!



I'm heading to cooler weather tomorrow morning and realized how much I have missed wearing layers, longsleeves, and cute scarves! eek! That means I need to be getting in bed -pronto!



Also, I have been talking myself out of having ice cream for the past two hours.
Being honest though, it's more like talking myself into it :)


Also, if I'm being honest I must admit I'm super excited for this little trip because it's the first time in a loong time that my whole entire family has been on a summer vacation! WooT! Although we're not going to one of my favorite places on earth, we're still going to have bunches of fun! That reminds me that I need to finish packing because here I am at 12:20 and I think I need to add a few more things. :)
Here are a few packing tips that my older sister and I perfected when we were younger (as in, learned the hard way):
 
.....always double check that you packed your toothbrush. (and toothpaste....added later to said list:)
.....always make sure you pack your pillow  (and an extra pillowcase ....added later as well)
.....always bring a sweater (comes quite in handy: instant pillow, window-sun-blocker, chilly-ac-your-seat-partner-aimed-at-you-warmer-upper, & the ever popular driving arm suntan preventer)
.....always bring a book (or five)
.....bring a plastic bag for any & all unforeseen problems-er-uses
.....always bring an extra pair of underwear (a mandatory rule given by the mother)


And finally, a little peek at my traveling destination:





eek! Soo excited! (Imagine a hUge smiley-faced-me right here -->    :)

Monday, August 2, 2010

I thought it might be fun to do a little update with pictures.
Here is what my spring & summer have looked like.
Enjoy!

Spring included:
Graduation for most of my FPU friends


 Amanda (Mangle)
Julie
Katie
Isaac
Nicole (Betty) & Audrey (Wilma)

Summer
included: lots of traveling, fun,
& pictures taken by other people :) I didn't take most of these- too busy living!

lots of hanging out with Whitey
Whitey (and no, the name didn't come from her shiny-white cheeks :)
Trips with sisters
Me & Whitey @ Superior
Bec & Kell
mm....milkshakes!














visits from Grandparents
Wilhelm's
Grandma Doris & Grandpa Herb
Riteaid Ice Cream
Afternoons in the park
with Milo!
My baptism at Woodward Park
declaring my faith to the world
dunked! Thank you God for giving me new life in you!
lots of iced tea :)
hanging out w/WSM friends
VBS @ LBC
3rd grade - The Rattlers
Saddle Ridge Ranch
no, he's not a gardener- he's just western :)
Kittens!
More kittens
their tiny nails made tiny scratches
she had to be forced to hold one. seriously :)
night-before-birthday fun
Gran's (late) 80th bday party (day after my 23rd bday!)
Gran & Gramps (Opal & Paul Wilkinson)
cousins!
more cousin love (& fun w/the camera)
free 7.11 oz. slurpees on 7/11!































asdasd

lkjlkjlk

Please forgive my earlier attempts (previous 2 lines of gibberish) at 'beating the system' of what blogspot is :)
I thought it was actually a pretty genius idea. (And then just now I spelled genius genuis.)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

So what

Yes.
So I listen to a random bunch of music.


Yesterday I came home from the library with:
-the soundtrack from the movie Valentine's Day
-Jack Johnson's newest cd: To The Sea   &
-Peter Pan

A good mix if you ask me!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Beautiful

Beautiful. Beautiful.
I am lost for more to say.


Self doubt. Not measuring up.
Making judgments, assumptions.
Spitting out words that 'sound right.'
This is not of you.

I just want to worship you my Lord.
I just want to dwell in who you are.
May this be my prayer. My cry. My thought. My breath.
Beautiful. Beautiful.

You are so much bigger than my thoughts.
Than hers. Than the fact that I don't feel like I fit in. Belong. Matter.

You are so much bigger. & Beautiful.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

Help me to get out of myself. To turn to you.
To see the bigness of You. & to forget me. What I want. What I feel. What I think. Everything that replaces You with me, self-doubt, lies, & Satan.

Beautiful. B e a u t i f u l! I am lost for more to say!

Friday, July 23, 2010

the lastest

Here is what my life has looked like the past few days:

Headed to Bako w/the sis on Friday (Milo greeted us @ the door :)
-Went to Baja Fresh with parents & watched Jensen Project w/the fam.

Did few little errands Saturday.
-Hung out @ sisters' house: watched tv & made super good summer food (grilled homegrown zuchinni, homegrown tomato salad, homemade basil lemonade, turkey burgers, & berry grunt dessert).

Went to 1st service w/parents Sunday morn.
-Leftover lunch, read book, headed out for the Hollywood Bowl! to see The Bird & the Bee, She & Him, & The Swell Sound. So great! got home super late, tired, & sweaty.

Slept in late Monday morn.
-Put on painting clothes & went to paint stuff for VBS @ sisters' church. Dinner w/whole fam.

Woke up Tuesday & repeated painting from Monday.
-Packed up car, & raced to Fresno. Made it in time for helping out w/WSM (Well Student Ministries -highschool) where we saw How To Train Your Dragon (my 3rd time!) @ our $3 theater! So fun- met tons of highschoolers- but forgot to get my sunglasses from Stacey :(

Got ready, made lists, & headed out to 3 grocery stores on Wednesday.
-After Winco, Grocery Outlet, and Fresh & Easy- definitely had a full fridge & freezer.
Had good friend Alexandra over & made couscous summery salad and zuchinni. Then had completely homemade strawberry shortcake w/whipped cream. (Alex literally licked her plate it was so good :) Then played Dutch Blitz & learned Durach. Watched JAG.

Got up late, cleaned, chores & caught up on blogs on Thursday.
-Parents arrived in town, finally signed lease papers to renew lease for 6 months!, ate awesome dinner, w/awesome rolls (from F&E), & more strawberry shortcake, Woodward Park library, target, & in bed by 10 o'clock!!

Woke up to parents packing & etc. Friday.
-Found out neighbors are moving out (loudly), finished up random tasks w/Dad (& his helpful drill:), read blogs, lunch, shower, errands, & hangout w/Rach's summer lifegroup tonight!

This week was filled with: Lots of boring, lots of fun, lots of laughter (w/Alex & parents), & lots of random times of waking up :)