8:34

I can't get over why I keep wanting to cry today.
 I'll be talking to someone about something sad, or something exciting and all of a sudden I want to cry.
My eyes tear up and I have to look away; I can't make eye contact.
I just don't know why though.





Oh, and this morning?
I woke up at 8:34. Exactly four minutes after I was supposed to be at my internship site.
Needless to say, I was a little late.

Then when I went to meet with my boss after being at the hospital, I ended up getting there late too.
Yuck. I hate being late.


You know what?
Throughout the whole day, I never had that feeling that this was just "one of those days."
Nope, not for me!

Emptied the dishwasher, watched a little Army Wives, and working on some fun homework. I know, I know, fun homework?

Today at the library....

Today at work, a very nice fellow tutor walked up to me, and with a huge smile, she said, "I have always wanted to tell you that you always look very pleasant!"

After articulating what she said in her thick Indian accent, I immediately smiled, and said, "Thanks!"

Seriously, I don't know if she realizes it, but she just made my day a lot better :)

Don't cry because it's over,
smile because it happened.




Thank you God for this reminder.
Even if it came from the pages of Dr. Seuss.

Another strange citing from the library

This week while I was at work in the library, I saw two people.

Now these people were rather nice looking and seemed to be observing library rules very well. (No running and only talking very quietly.)
However, I noticed a strange thing when they turned around.
They were smoking.

As in, holding a cigarette, sucking it in, and then blowing smoke out in a puff.
As in, smoking inside a library.
As in, smoking inside of a building.
As in, smoking in a public place, in California!

It was just so preposterous! And looking around, I didn't see anyone else observing this strange event.
Craziness!


*Disclaimer: I am not making these anecdotes up people! I have observed all of these events personally. They are just too crazy not to share!*

Monday night

It never fails, every Monday night the taxidermy animals in the science building freak me out.

After I discovered them the first time, I couldn't stop looking at all of them.
It was like how you cannot pull your eyes away to identify roadkill.
Then, I just started entering the building through a different door so I could avoid that part of the hallway.
Ugh.
Never fails.
Every Monday night.

Life and death in a very short spectrum

At the beginning of this week it was raining and very stormy.
After being inside all day, I was walking outside to go to my car one day.
Looking down at a tree stump that was surrounded by weeds, I noticed a peculiar thing.
The most beautiful daisies had bloomed on one side of the stump.
They had made it through the rough and windy days of the storm, and their bright white petals were a very cheerful sight to see.
I kept walking and looked down at the sidewalk at what I initially thought was some smashed fruit. Apparently a young baby bird had attempted to fly but had fallen onto the sidewalk. It had been hit and died just beyond the cheery flowers. The next day I was walking on a different sidewalk and I saw another dead baby bird. It was such a sad, yet joyful sight. The bird was newly born into this world, but somehow was unable to survive and fly.
Such life and death in such a very short spectrum.

challenging song

I have had this song stuck in my head all day.

Doesn't it just stink when a song challenges you in every. single. line?
Yep. You know what I'm talking about.
Well this song challenges me in every single line. Gotta love it!
It also has an awesome piano based melody. And a fun hook starting in the first verse :)


 Walk on the Water- Britt Nicole

You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt will it pull you under
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there
Will you hear my prayer
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

Step out even when it's storming
Step out even when you're broken
Step out even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up
Step out even when your hope is stolen
Step out you can't see where you're going
Don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting what are you waiting for

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

Revelation 3

"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
      These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."
 Revelation 3:14-22

Wow. So many lessons in here!
And one passage that positively impacted my relationship with God.
And, one of the many reasons that I chose to go to the church that I go to now.
The first church I ever decided to go to for myself.

Psalm 40:16

Psalm 40:16:

But may all who search for you
      be filled with joy and gladness in you.
   May those who love your salvation
      repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!”

Daisies

I have discovered over the past few years that when I get stressed I:
don't eat
don't sleep
don't exercise
don't drink water
don't talk to my friends/family &
I don't read my Bible.

All of these things, does not add up to a happy, fulfilled, efficient, or pleasant Grace.

Seriously, I know.

Remembering this, over the past few weeks I have seen how I have literally been making myself feel sick from all of the stress, busyness, and things I have to do.

Life becomes bleak, arduous, a task and not a joy. Smiling, laughing, thanking, & sharing in joy are difficult things to do. Yuck. How pointless, inconceivable, and deceitful. When I start believing these things, I am believing lies, not asking God to lead my life, and I let Satan rule over my hurt- letting little things trigger and fester into worries that overwhelm me.

Nope, that's just not me. Life is a time and joyful space to glorify God, smile, feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, and share conversation with friends and strangers alike.
Life for me is daisies, because 'daisies are just the friendliest flower!' according to Kathleen Kelly

to the max

When I'm stressed to the max, I find that I am thankful for Matthew 11:28.

--------

Matthew 11:28
....Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest....

ugh.

double ugh.

I almost fainted at the hospital today.

ugh.

Soo frustrated with myself.
So frustrated that I let myself get that close to passing out.
So frustrated that I almost fainted when I was watching a procedure I have seen a dozen times.
ugh.
So frustrated that I even went today.
So frustrated that I wake up feeling better and then feel horribly cruddy within an hour.
So frustrated that I have felt so cruddy for so long.
So frustrated that I have wasted so much time lately.
So frustrated that I have so much to do lately.
So frustrated that all I can think about is what I can cut short, what I can put off another day, what I can get out of.
So frustrated for being so frustrated.

ugh...
and definitely,
............double ugh.

With Everything

God has been teaching me so much through this song lately.

Open our hearts,
To see the things
That make Your heart cry,
To be the church
The You would desire.
Light to be seen.

Break down our pride,
And all the walls
We've built up inside,
Our earthly crowns
And all our desires,
We lay at Your feet.

So let hope rise,
And darkness tremble
In Your holy light,
And every eye will see
Jesus, our God,
Great and mighty to be praised.

God of all days,
Glorious in all of Your ways.
Your majesty, the wonder and grace,
In the light of Your name.

With everything,
With everything,
We will shout for your glory.

With everything,
With everything,
We will shout forth your praise.

Our hearts will cry
Be glorified,
Be lifted high,
Above all names.
For You our King,
With everything,
We will shout forth your praise.

Week 8/9: March 29th

    I went to my site last week to get some more hours in and I am very glad I went. After a few weeks of learning new things, I was hoping to finally 'get my feet wet' and observe a procedure. Although I had observed an LP in the oncology clinic a few times, I wanted to observe something different and new. While observing a Child Life Specialist on one of the regular units, I was able to pre-op and then observe a few procedures. Both of the patients received PICC lines, which are more permanent IV's. With both patients, I was able to learn what PICC lines are, what they do, and how to relay that information to patients of different developmental stages. We had numerous communication problems with the first patient and I found it very frustrating to have to simply deal with his anxiety, without being able to explain what was happening. One passion I have is to use ASL and educate other people in sign language. However, it was highly frustrating when the mother of the patient (who only spoke Spanish), did not even teach her young child how to use Mexican Sign or any other form of signed language. Although my supervisor and I signed with the patient, we were aware of his limited understanding, confusion, and fear. However, while the first procedure was frustrating from the insurmountable language barrier, I was frustrated at the end of the second procedure for a different reason. I truly loved learning about the procedure, the sedation process, and how the medical staff work together to complete the procedure. Also, it was interesting to watch how a CLS works in tandem with medical staff, often without the request of help from the medical staff. Because the nurse administering the PICC line was relatively new at her position, my supervisor did small things to help alleviate tension in all of the people in the room, to aid the nurse, and to help the patient. With this second patient, a different ER doctor was monitoring the sedation and he started to play with the distraction toy my supervisor had used with the patient. Although I have experienced some harsh glances or unfriendly comments from medical staff before, I found it highly insulting when the doctor ridiculed the CL profession. In the middle of the room filled with the nurses, patient, CLS, and the patients' family, the doctor told me that I have been wasting my years at school getting my degree if I'm only going to play with toys when I'm done. I was pretty insulted and didn't know how to respond so I didn't really say anything. A few other specialists have mentioned their frustrations over this attitude and ignorance that many of the medical staff have. Toys are not always merely toys. For children who are patients in a hospital, toys provide distraction, entertainment, education from learning about medical terms and procedures, and they provide familiarity and a calming effect. Dramatic play also allows children to express feelings of fear, aggression, confusion, and contentment. I guess I didn't realize it, but I am now highly opinionated on the importance of toys and play for children in hospitals.
    Furthermore, after talking with a few specialists, I think I have found my project! I am planning on organizing and outlining some medical play crafts and activities. Although the specialists have done some medical crafts in the past, there is no organized resource to pull prepared lessons from. I hope to work on this both at my site and off-site. By creating this resource, the staff in the playroom and the other CLS can quickly locate these useful distracting and educating tools for children. Crafts allow the patients to be distracted from their present circumstances, giving them control over completing the task at hand. Also, as patients maintain a certain amount of control over their project, a CLS can then teach them about the medical meaning of the craft as well as help them cope with their situation by guiding them in discussing their feelings.