Lately,
I've been out of sorts;
had messed up priorities;
felt greedy,
whiney,
tired,
complainy,
hopeless,
joy-less,
dull,
funky,
all-about-me.

It hasn't been fun.

Nope. Not at all.

And a big part of it has been because I've been living like my life is about me.
But you know what? My life is NOT about me.

The last couple have weeks have been a struggle.
Although I've done fun things and filled my days really full (something that really only stresses me out).
One might think I have it all together.
Truth: I'm far from it.

The main reason why I've felt so disconnected, blah, introverted, and analytical lately:
I somehow stopped praying.
You know, really, truly praying.

One reason why is because I've felt discontented, undesired, and just plain blah.
That's going to stop. Right now.
Getting on top of it pronto.

See, I was reading my favorite book from summer and it hit me, I need to pray!
I need to be praying!

A good reminder via pinterest:

Source: etsy.com via Grace on Pinterest

My sister got a teaching job yesterday.
And she starts teaching on Tuesday.

She has two.whole.days to get her classroom & everything else ready before little bodies and little eyes will show up and require teaching.

Source: etsy.com via Grace on Pinterest

And my other sister got in a car accident earlier tonight.
A chain reaction accident.
Where she was (literally quoting my Dad), "The bologna in the sandwich."
Yep, the middle car = the front and back of her car were both squashed.
The airbag deployed and she has a sore hand and face.
And no car.

Source: silentfears.tumblr.com via Grace on Pinterest

It's in times like these that I start to lose it.
I can't fix everyone's problems.
I can't be in two cities at once.
I can't give either of them a hug because I'm needed at my parent's house.

So, I'm stuck.


It's at times like these,
that all I want to do is give into
the fear.
the anger.
the frustration.
the envy.
the jealousy.
the bitterness.
the hate.
.....the sin.

Source: theloganfamily.wordpress.com via Cheri on Pinterest

When things don't go right, get messy, and I can feel the control over my life slip through my fingers,
it's easy to want to give into the sin.
To want to turn away from God and his promises.
To want to blame and make accusations.

Source: beautifuljourneyblog.com via Grace on Pinterest

And when I want to give into the sin, that is exactly when I pray to God,
"God, please grab a hold of these thoughts and feelings and take them away.
As far as the east is from the west.
Grab Satan by the collar and get him out of my mind and my heart.
And you, Satan, do NOT come back. Do not hang around and steal away my trust and faith in God.
Because you know what?! Although it would be easy, I am not going to put my trust or faith in you."

Source: faithinspiration.tumblr.com via Grace on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Grace on Pinterest

Source: typographicverses.tumblr.com via Grace on Pinterest

Psalm 37:4

"Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart."

-    Psalm 37:4    -

I listened to the end of the book, Angry Conversations With God the other day.
In the last chapter, the main character, Susan Isaacs, is in one of her last sessions of couples therapy with God, when her therapist asks her what she does that God delights in.

She responds by saying little things, but then realizes that God must delight in her when she uses her gifts and talents, and also when she is living obediently.

Source: weheartit.com via Grace on Pinterest

I'm not one to go about quoting Psalm 37:4 incorrectly, inserting it at times and places where it is not relevant or used accurately.

However, the marriage therapist made me wonder, when do I delight in God?

And when does he delight in me?

Just like Susan, I believe God must delight in me when:

 I'm obedient,
 I slow down and hear his still small voice,
 I am struck with amazement by his creation,
 I "play my note",
  - use and share my gifts,
  -and when I craft my talents.

I think those are the times when God delights in me.

And now I think I'll kick back and think for a few days about when I delight in Him.
: )

Linking up!

The Little Things That Count pt. 2

Besides the basics (more about that here),
I believe that the little things really add up to make a house (or in my case, apartment) a home.
 Sidenote: I also have a few pipe dreams of wishing I could be an Anthropologie store design coordinator, interior designer, or a really awesome craft/art/design-type blogger.  : )

Since I believe that God calls me to create beauty in my life, or as I call it pretty-fying my life, I like to daydream about design.

And since I've expanded my internet hopping to:
craft tutorials, crochet tutorials, the addiction of pretty things on pinterest, and enriching my blog reading life,
I've really expanded my craft/home/fashion design taste.

So, here is my end-of-summer-sale wishlist of little things that would really add up nicely in my home
(via Urban Outfitters) : 

picnic pennant banner

metal wall shelf - living room

doily coasters - coffee table

triple bud vase - downstairs bathroom

rug for front door

 

2 paisley pillows - couch

serving tray

enamel panel hook - inside front door



you are so dear to me
wall art - hallway collage

apprentice stool - bedroom



iron strap side table -downstairs

<3

The Little Things That Count

I'm a firm believer that it's the little things in life that count....and sometimes they almost matter more than the big things.

Little things put the extra oopmh! into the essentials: four walls, ceiling, and floor.

Add:

the required furniture (bed, table, chairs)
+

necessary tools and accessories (plates, knives, screwdriver, hammer)
+
a closet or two (or four)

&
you have the basics.

And for some people that's enough.
But not quite for me.
I believe in creating and cultivating beauty.


Why? God calls me to do so.

God tells me  (via Noah and his arky, arky) to

Source: jonesdesigncompany.com via Grace on Pinterest

which is partly why I feel the need to create and cultivate beauty.

God tells me to live my life by Philippians 1:27: "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ."

So, I strive to deny myself, take up my cross daily and follow Jesus.  -Luke 9:23

To follow Jesus daily means that I
  speak the truth in love.
  take care of the poor and needy.
  love the unloved.
  put the needs of others before my own.
  humble myself.
  strive to produce the fruit of the spirit.
  choose peace and not strife.
  forgive and not hold grudges.
  repent and change for the better.
  spread and give joy.
  and live in obedience.
   daily.

And you know what that creates?
Beauty.
Me, being fully alive in Christ.
Having ashes exchanged for beauty.
And glorifying God by my very existence and salvation in Him.

Therefore, beauty is a call.

And creating beauty in my surroundings, life, and space is a natural flow from that lifestyle.

To play my note, live out my gifts and talents, and create beauty, I feel compelled to have beauty around me.

A lovely lady once said that she was  "the creative director of [her] surroundings."
I think that sums me up. God takes care of my environment, and then gives me the role of being creative director of my surroundings; pretty-fying my basic walls+floor+ceiling, if you will.

And if it is a goal in my life to live out and create beauty, why would I want to live in a plain (or ugly) space?
After all.....

Source: etsy.com via Grace on Pinterest

part two coming soon....
Any thoughts?
What does God call you to do with your life?

Because I Can

Tonight I'm going to....

...write those notecards I forgot about three days ago.

...watch NCIS to get the last creepy show I watched out of my head.

...eat Cheerios at 9:30 pm.

...blog hop for awhile.

...think about love stories and this interesting blog post.

...give myself a pat on the back for resisting the HUGE urge & temptation to get frozen yogurt after church.

...and then I'll go eat the ice cream sandwhich I've been thinking about for 4 days now.

...and then maybe I'll even have some Lemon Ginger Snap ice cream.


...while I think of this:

Source: skinnified.tumblr.com via Grace on Pinterest

...but then read this:
Don’t feel guilty for eating 3 peanut butter cups. Or 8 slices of habanero cheddar. Or anything that’s your Favorite Thing Ever.


And why will I do all of this tonight?


Well,
because I can.
: )


And here's a song that makes me feel yummy inside : )


Ought To Be -Audrey Assad

I love you more than a slow-falling summer rain
More than a silence that only the snow leaves behind
I love you more

And I love you better than the gray of the autumn air
Better than spring in its blooming against the sky
I love you more

It may not be red as the roses yet
It may not be strong as the old oak trees but
Love planted deeply becomes what it ought to be

Your love is steady and sure as the mountains high
Moving my heart like a river that gently bends
Your love is sure

Your love is wide open spaces where I can run
And yet, we're tangled up roots in the warm broken earth
Yeah, our love is sure

And it may not be clear as the morning yet
It may not be wide as a restless sea but
Love given freely becomes what it ought to be

It may not be clear as the morning yet
It may not be wide as a restless sea
And it may not be red as the roses yet
It may not be strong as the old oak trees but

Love planted deeply becomes what it ought to and
Hearts given freely becomes what they ought to
Love planted deeply becomes what it ought to be
What it ought to be

Lately & Links

An awesome music video:



< <  ........................................  > >
And this is what happens when you type something out on a keyboard your fingers aren't used to:
Amd tjem tjere
s tje ever [p[i;ar
(supposed to say 'And then there is the ever popular...')

< < ........................................ > >
I find it awesome & highly ironic that The Office airs on the tv after my dad falls asleep with it on.
Especially since he doesn't like the show.
It's like the most awesome poetic justice ever.
......Take that Dad! You're still watching it : )

< < ........................................ > >
This lady is awesome!

Her book is so intriguing and captivating.

< < ........................................ > >
I'm itching to find a cheap plastic platter/plate to make one of these cute things!

from this lovely lady

< < ........................................ > >

My older sister is way into infomercials.

It's kind of her hobby.

It's her thing with my dad.

I like comics with my dad.

But she likes infomercials with my dad.

No joke, after eating dinner on my birthday, they sat around talking about their favorite infomercials.
We thought they were crazy.

Anyways, I was at her house the other day and she said, "Look! It's my first infomercial purchase! It's a spice rack! Look- it swivels."

Like it was a big accomplishment.
Like getting her first Kitchen Aid mixer or adopting her very own dog. (her 2 other big accomplishments : )
...Geez, she makes me smile.

.....And laugh.....constantly : )

< < ........................................ > >

Apparently when I play tennis or badminton, (which has been a lot in the past two weeks), I tend to kick up my back leg whenever I hit the ball/birdie.

Kind of like how Mia wants her foot to pop when she gets her first kiss in The Princess Diaries.I finally realized that's why my butt hurt so bad after the first time I played badminton with my twin.

So when I played tennis with my older sister and her roommate's brother, they both laughed and made fun of me every time I would kick up my back leg.
It was funny after awhile when we realized that I couldn't return a ball without popping my foot : )Kinda ri-dic-uh-lous!

(I watched this movie maybe 20 times after it came out. I liked it alot. Julie Andrews + a princess + a mustang + a cute boy? =any 7th graders' fantasy : )

< < ........................................ > >
My older sister makes lots of squawks that my Dad affectionately termed her 'chicken squawk' years ago.
She will squawk when she's startled (which is very often), surprised, happy, or frustrated by certain things.
It's pretty funny.

While playing tennis at a court in a park with a nearby enclosed pond area with geese and ducks, she squawked after hitting a ball.
And then a goose honked right back.
It was hilarious.
And awesome!

And when I told her what happened, she smiled really big : )

< < ........................................ > >

On Thursday night, my mom was flipping through the channels on our local-stations-only-tv.
And she found my korean soap opera tv show!
The show includes three characters who are in never-ending chef-type cooking competitions.
And on that night?
Well, they were competing over the best cow carcass?
(Like the kind you see in a meat packing plant...hanging from the ceiling.)
Needless to say, my mom and I were very confused.

And that is what is happening in my neck of the woods. How about you?

letters to God

Lately, this song has really been speaking to me because I've been journaling a lot.
After reading a passage from Psalms, I'll write my recent thoughts/fears/or prayers to God.
Kind of like writing an unending letter to God.

I started writing a lot.
More frequently and more pages.

And after awhile, I began to think,
"I really hope that I'm not just writing a lot of pretty looking words and nice sounding ideas.
I want these things that I write to actually mean something. To not just write good things that I think or like -that are void of any meaning or truth. To have good intentions, mean what I write, and actually follow through on and live out those good intentions."

And then I thought about that for a few days.

Whenever I heard Breaking Through, I remembered these thoughts and it quickly became my prayer.

Are these just some words that I say aloud?Breaking Through -Audrey Assad

Is this just the sun breaking through the clouds?

Oh, I know it's more and I know somehow that

Heaven is breaking through
And it's You

I am a blind man trying to find the way
A deaf man with my ear to the ground
Just listening for what You say

I've got no voice to sing the songs
Written by the prophets on the subway walls
The kingdom is a golden table and we are beggars all

Are these just some words that I say aloud?
Is this just the sun breaking through the clouds?
Oh, I know it's more and I know somehow that
Heaven is breaking through
And it's You, it's You, it's You, it's You, You

I've wandered deserts looking for a sign
A wild flower in a valley low
Just reaching for the light

I have no place to lay my head, no sanctuary of my own
The kingdom waits with open arms
For pilgrims headed home

Are these just some words that I say aloud?
Is this just the sun breaking through the clouds?
Oh, I know it's more and I know somehow that
Heaven is breaking through
And it's You

(I am a blind man trying to find the way)
I'm looking for
(I am a blind man trying to find the way)
Heaven is breaking, heaven is breaking
(I am a blind man trying to find the way)
Heaven is breaking through
And it's You, it's You, it's You, it's You, yeah
It's You, it's You, it's You, You

I am a blind man trying to find the way

a still small voice

Lately, the song "Restless" by Audrey Assad has really been speaking to me.

I haven't resonated with the overall message of the song as much as I usually do, rather I've resonated with a few specific lines.

You dwell in the songs that we are singing

Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)

Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart

Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry

I am restless until I rest in You


I have felt restless for awhile now.
Quite a few loong months actually.

Lately I've been more consistent with reading my Bible in the morning.
And it's been good, but I've wanted to have a truly [q.u.i.e.t] time.

Where I'm quiet and God shows up.

Basically, because of everything I've been learning.

During my daily reading  through Psalms, I've seen the need to be still before God, wait patiently for Him, and put my trust in God. And a few months ago, the purpose behind the devotional Jesus Calling really spoke to me. More recently, I've been listening to Angry Conversations with God which has really spoken to me about my daily walk with God and the type of conversations I have with him.


....So, I've been restless.
And every time I hear "Let me hear a still small voice"

I feel that longing again.

I long to hear God's voice.
To clearly see his direction in my life.
To get past my immediate humanness and see others, their needs, goals, and dreams.

My prayer is to:

Be still before the LORD

and wait patiently for him...
Psalm 37:7

Sunday

This morning,

...I woke up without using my alarm.....such a good feeling!

...I played badminton with the seester at the tennis/volleyball court ..........(which feels super wimpy after playing tennis yesterday)

...and got super sweaty in the 100+ degree weather

...and then jumped in the nearby pool to cool off

...ate some yummy leftovers from last week

...and then a yummy quesadilla on the George Foreman via the seester

...showered, did a random assortment of things, and then headed off to church

...helped the seester with 2nd & 3rd graders at Kids Connection

...got a BRC burrito at El Pollo Loco

...went to 'the 7' (7pm church service) ............& was challenged, fed, and stretched

...went to Target for some un-fun essentials

...came home, ate some ice cream & watched the finale of Castle


Needless to say, it was a lovely day.
: )


And a Song for Sunday:

{The Altar}  -Nichole Nordeman

I'm at the end of myself,
I just dropped out of the running
I don't recall when I last pulled the shades and said
"here comes the sun, here comes the new day"
Someone remind me again that joy might show up on ocassion
I'm sitting here with my hands on my head, and my eyes on the ground, wondering if I'll be found by You

Will you make me new? Will you take what's left of me?
I guarantee that it won't be a fair trade.
Will you set me free from what's keeping me afraid?
I know I've prayed it all before, but I'm back on the altar

I don't believe what they say about one foot in front of the other
If my life was a map, you'd see every last step just circling around, still lost, never found by You

So will you make me new? Will you take what's left of me?
I guarantee that it won't be a fair trade.
Will you set me free from what's keeping me afraid?
I know I've prayed it all before, but I'm back on the altar

Maybe last year I'd have made empty promises
Maybe last month I'd have tried to pull strings
But I don't have one single chip left to bargain with
The only thing left is me needing You to make me new

Will you take what's left of me?
I guarantee that it won't be a fair trade
Will you set me free from what's keeping me afraid?
I know I've prayed it all before
But I'm back
On the altar

thoughts in captions

Here is a little prettyness on this Saturday!


LOVE this.





a song from 2007 : )

rescue -by Newsong



a little bokeh for ya

Happy Saturday!

friends & blessings

Resolve:

 Good friends are worth it.

That is just chalk full of truth!

Over the past few months I feel like I've been in a different season of friendship.

For a long time I struggled with not having a physical support system of friends.

Although I have many friends,
I mostly connected to them via facebook/texting/occasional brief chats at church.

-

all 'normal' modes of communication, but.....
-

it just wasn't face to face talking and one-on-one hanging out.

This was a rough time for me, especially with everything else going on in my life which I correlated to my need for further support.

I became pretty discouraged and frustrated from the {seeming} lack of effort from my friends.

I know, I know, I'm getting pretty close to whining/complaining.

Attempting honesty though.

For awhile, it felt like I was the one giving.

all.

the.

time.

In every. single. friendship.

It seemed like it was getting harder and harder to find someone every time I wanted or needed a friend.

And soon, it seemed more like work than friendship.

But then?

God completely blessed me by placing me on the other end, finally being the receiver!

I also had one friendship completely start up again out of the blue.

-

without pretty much any effort on my part.

Which was a huge blessing.

It was such a needed repreive.

A break.

A breath of fresh air.

A friend who wanted and needed me.

Without prompting by.

And not just for a few minutes, but much longer.

My friend Amanda and I have been kind of getting to know each other again over the past few months.

And it has been lovely.

As a true friend, she is truly a blessing from God.

The friendship, characteristics, and values that we share are just a few things that God has blessed us with.

Basically, we share the same neurotic tendencies.

--Like being people pleasers/harmonizers,

having sisters as best friends,

and worrying & stressing about the same things.--

Looking back now and reading through my journal over the past season of my life,
I can very clearly see my cries and petitions from God.

And now, I have seen, tasted, and experienced His answer.
I am certain he is good.
He most certainly does answer prayers.

Also, looking back over the past few months, I can see how God has blessed me.
He has give me many great moments.
Moments of friendship.
Days with joy. laughter. hugs. love.

And then I realized a few days later......

How often do I treat God like this?

How often do I put him on the giving end instead of the receiving end?

My answer: I'm still a work in progress.

I will daily be striving, working, and trying to put him first -not delighting in me from afar, waiting patiently until I turn to him to taste his goodness.

A verse that I'm choosing as my anthem for this lesson of God's goodness and delight:
Psalm 34:8
{Taste and see that the Lord is good:blessed is the man who trusts in him.}

So tell me,
 What is the verse for your current season of life?

I Can Do, List

When I'm at home, bored, & trying to use my time more wisely, here is the list I gave myself of things I can do.

Thus, my I can do, list:

. make birthday bookpage garland  .......done! Turned out great!
. make rachel's card
. crochet a yellow flower   .....postponed to a later date
.  & wrap gifts
. submit bill to dad
. read hospital volunteer handbook
. copy down quotes from Georgia On Her Mind 
.  & Shauna Niequist
. journal        .....done, but kind of ongoing : )
. listen to last week's sermon podcast
. finish draft blogs
. finish & update playlist to blog
. work on a header for Rachel's blog
. wash sheets    .....ongoing though
. iron UO skirt
. do the dishes  .....ongoing though
. chalk up round flowery frame
. paint my nails
. paint moms nails
. write a note-a-day  .....moved to be my goal for August
. clean off desk
. clean corners
. switch winter clothes to back of closet  .....done
. make one thing off of summer to-do     .....ongoing though
. weed out/delete e-mails   ......ongoing though
. write activities in planner  ......ongoing

What I Want You To Know

I recently clicked over & stumbled upon a series on rageagainsttheminivan.com called What I Want You To Know.
The posts are incredibly moving and I could. not. stop.reading. them.
Literally.
I stayed up really late the other night reading every single post.

Taken from R.A.T.M.:
"What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions.  It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here."

What I think I gleaned after so much reading of various posts and comments can be said quite simply.
1.Do not jump to judgement/conclusions. You do not know someone's story or their situation. Or as one contributor wrote: "you haven't fought their fight."
Be kinder to frazzled moms with screaming children in very public places (i.e. the grocery store).

2. Everyone is different - we were created that way.

3. People make mistakes. I make mistakes. You make mistakes. People of every age/color/background/status/realm of influence makes mistakes. So learn to accept them and freely give grace to others when they mess up.

4. We were also created to be human. Not superhuman. Not perfect beings.
Therefore, have grace on people outside of the definition of 'normal'.
Welcome change.
And remember children will act like children sometimes- it says so by including 'child' in the very root of that word!

-----------------------------------------

Also, I have a few thoughts of my own on What I Want You To Know.
Which may or may not include:
-being a twin.  &
-growing up with a family member with a chronic illness.

Yesterday

Yesterday, on the first official day of summer,
 there was a forecast of 110 degrees.

Which translated to icky-hot-YUCK heat.

Which also made me think that it would be a horrible, no good, very bad day.

However, after surviving said 100+ degrees of nastiness,
I can say.....
 I showed the first day of summer who was boss!

The happs:

woke up lazily, chatting w/the seester on ma bed


quick lunchy

frozen yogurt date w/the seester & lovely friend Alex
{where I had thin mint + strawberry yogurt + strawberries + watermelon}
*don't even get me started on how much I love watermelon + frozen yogurt
I kinda love it. and I'm not a froyo girl


went 'paint looking' with the seester
(aka looking at paint colors)


spent 30 minutes in Home Depot.
-that's a hardware store-
not exactly my main spot.
'twas lovely & fun!


spent 30+ min. in Michael's
....and didn't buy a single thing.
-major progress people-
left super inspired!


library'd it up for 1+ hour
got TONS o'books.
eep! : )


went to the 'f-market'aka Farmer's Marketbought lovely green beans for dinner
+
romaine for crisp salads
+
sugary sweet strawberries
-for reals. they taste like sugar!-


dinner w/seester & lovely friend Katie
kebobs + sauteed green beans + couscous

sadly the only picture taken all day since I forgot the camera : (


trip to grocery store for ice cream

speed scrabble w/seester & katie
-slowest round(s) ev.er.-


read 3/4 of a new library book


'twas a lovely day.
for sure!

June slumber

Last week I had a very realistic and very long dream.
It included making {2} DIY projects I've had my eye on.
And then I scored the supplies for said projects.
For free.
Do I have wild dreams or what? : )
The sad thing was that I was really bummed that I when I woke up, I didn't actually get to make those projects for free.
Oh, geez!




And then something I haven't ever had happen personally in a dream...

...I dreamed about a friend I haven't seen a few weeks.
And her husband- who I haven't met yet.
Which is strange, because, well, we've never even met.

And then we talked on the phone about 30 minutes after I woke up.
Which was even more unusual.
(We text more than talk.)


For some reason, the last few months my dreams have been more vivid, realistic, and impact-ful.

Have you ever had that happen?

Ever dream about something and then be sad when you wake up and it's not true in real life?
Or dream about someone you haven't seen in awhile and then you suddenly do?
Or do you wake up not remembering any dreams?

libraries and such...

I went to two libraries today.
And I got a book at each library.
And I'm super excited to do some good summer reading of new-to-me-author's and titles I've never even heard of!

Yay for books!
Yay for literacy!
Yay for libraries!
Yay for summer reading!

Also, I've been really into listening to children's books on cd during long car rides over the past few months.
But that is another story : )

My reviews :

The Tale of Despereaux = a must listen! Great reader = great voices. Great story!

The Secret Garden = super awesome readers and a classic story. Tres Bien!
Piper Reed = meh. not the best reader. Short, but well-written story.

If A Tree Falls At Lunch Time = story deals well with bullies and marital problems. But, hard to focus as each chapter switches from a girl to a boy = diff. reader (female vs. male) every few minutes.

The Penderwicks = good reader- fun story!



And in totally unrelated terms,
I found out once again that if I wait long enough, my sister will give in and make a late dinner before me : )
Woohoo!

thoughts on being a 6 month old....

This week, silly old life got in the way of blogging. Which is totally fine with me.
If I'm writing about life, don't I have to live it too? : )

Anyways, in the past couple of days two very unusual things happened.
Sorry for that unnecessary alliteration.

1
You know when you write for a long time and then you look at your pinky finger on your writing hand and there is a smeary-smudge of whatever pen's ink you were writing with?
Well that happened to me!
And it was weird.
And it made me think of fast-talking professor's, ruled paper, and hours of taking notes on lectures.
And it -almost- made me miss Blue Books. those pesky things.
And how I doubled spaced whenever I used them, which made me write bigger for some reason, which made me write on more pages.And it kind of made me sad. It made me wish I was in school. And not done- forever.


Needless to say, since I'm now a 6-month-old college graduate, I haven't felt this inherently school feeling in a long time.
No, I haven't been feverishly taking notes in the last 6 months.
Or buying Blue Books.
Or even thinking about them.
Or ruled paper.
Or about schedules, classes, classroom numbers, tests, homework, printing papers, school supplies, finals, or just anything so very -school.-


When I started, I mentioned 2 things happened, here's numero 2:
Earlier today, I picked up a book I requested from the library.
It is a regular sized hardback book.
It seems like an interesting book so far, but it sure is, well.....academic.
Academic, how?

Well, it makes my brain hurt.

It is challenging.
Basically because I have to think more about what is actually in front of my face instead of just picking up on the meaning without any actual work. : )
I think another reason why it seems so academic to me is that it is almost the same exact size as an old textbook I had a year ago.
And then that reminds me of another textbook I had about the same size.
And that reminds me of how many long hours I spent reading both books because they were so very academic.
And about how hard those classes were hard. Not unfair professor hard, but 'my brain is being stretched so much just while reading this one paragraph that I don't know if I can wrap my head around one sentence, let alone the chapter' hard.
And then I remember how good I felt when I finally understood what the author and professor were talking about.
And how satisfied and good I felt when I knew I had really and truly earned that grade all on my own hard work.
And that makes me stop and smile.
Because although being a student brings out the neurotic side of myself (hello- I'm actually writing about ink smudges and book sizes!), I loved it -and it went well for me. because school wasn't that hard if I showed up every time, did the work, and put in effort to understand the material.
I learned really cool things when I really tried to.
And I for sure got those high grades when it mattered to me.
And they felt that.much.sweeter. when I actually worked for them- and didn't just do what I felt was mediocre work that would still get a high grade.

Maybe I was too hard of a critic of myself, maybe I set unrealistic expectations,
but maybe I knew that I didn't always do my very best and I regretted that.

Here, at the end, So what?
At the end, I can say that college taught me a lot about myself.

I learned how to do what I considered hard things  (going to 5 different colleges/universities) & I actually did those things.
I graduated from a 'big school' -something I never thought I would/could/want to ever do & I did it.
I worked several jobs where I learned a lot about myself, writing, and people in general, and also how to be a mediocre vs. a hard worker.
I figured out what I want to do for a career & started working my way towards it.
And I'm actually, maybe/possibly/kind of thinking about going to grad school for a Master's degree
-only maybe/kinda/sorta  -don't go jumping to any conclusions.

Basically, I grew up.


&  in the end, I wrote a long, twisty, disjointed blog that makes me think of "If you give a mouse a cookie...."   : )
Which makes me want to go eat all of that cookie dough in the fridge : )
pms-ing much? oh girrl, yes!