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Hi. You found me. Thanks for clicking over! Sit and stay awhile..... This is the view from my window... As I move around my little valley I call 'home,' I've had many different views & this is the one that I keep coming back to.

Friday, June 10, 2011

thoughts on being a 6 month old....

This week, silly old life got in the way of blogging. Which is totally fine with me.
If I'm writing about life, don't I have to live it too? : )

Anyways, in the past couple of days two very unusual things happened.
Sorry for that unnecessary alliteration.

You know when you write for a long time and then you look at your pinky finger on your writing hand and there is a smeary-smudge of whatever pen's ink you were writing with?
Well that happened to me!
And it was weird.
And it made me think of fast-talking professor's, ruled paper, and hours of taking notes on lectures.
And it -almost- made me miss Blue Books. those pesky things.
And how I doubled spaced whenever I used them, which made me write bigger for some reason, which made me write on more pages.
And it kind of made me sad. It made me wish I was in school. And not done- forever.

Needless to say, since I'm now a 6-month-old college graduate, I haven't felt this inherently school feeling in a long time.
No, I haven't been feverishly taking notes in the last 6 months.
Or buying Blue Books.
Or even thinking about them.
Or ruled paper.
Or about schedules, classes, classroom numbers, tests, homework, printing papers, school supplies, finals, or just anything so very -school.-

When I started, I mentioned 2 things happened, here's numero 2:
Earlier today, I picked up a book I requested from the library.
It is a regular sized hardback book.
It seems like an interesting book so far, but it sure is, well.....academic.
Academic, how?
Well, it makes my brain hurt.
It is challenging.
Basically because I have to think more about what is actually in front of my face instead of just picking up on the meaning without any actual work. : )
I think another reason why it seems so academic to me is that it is almost the same exact size as an old textbook I had a year ago.
And then that reminds me of another textbook I had about the same size.
And that reminds me of how many long hours I spent reading both books because they were so very academic.
And about how hard those classes were hard. Not unfair professor hard, but 'my brain is being stretched so much just while reading this one paragraph that I don't know if I can wrap my head around one sentence, let alone the chapter' hard.
And then I remember how good I felt when I finally understood what the author and professor were talking about.
And how satisfied and good I felt when I knew I had really and truly earned that grade all on my own hard work.
And that makes me stop and smile.
Because although being a student brings out the neurotic side of myself (hello- I'm actually writing about ink smudges and book sizes!), I loved it -and it went well for me. because school wasn't that hard if I showed up every time, did the work, and put in effort to understand the material.
I learned really cool things when I really tried to.
And I for sure got those high grades when it mattered to me.
And they felt that.much.sweeter. when I actually worked for them- and didn't just do what I felt was mediocre work that would still get a high grade.

Maybe I was too hard of a critic of myself, maybe I set unrealistic expectations,
but maybe I knew that I didn't always do my very best and I regretted that.

Here, at the end, So what?
At the end, I can say that college taught me a lot about myself.
I learned how to do what I considered hard things  (going to 5 different colleges/universities) & I actually did those things.
I graduated from a 'big school' -something I never thought I would/could/want to ever do & I did it.
I worked several jobs where I learned a lot about myself, writing, and people in general, and also how to be a mediocre vs. a hard worker.
I figured out what I want to do for a career & started working my way towards it.
And I'm actually, maybe/possibly/kind of thinking about going to grad school for a Master's degree
-only maybe/kinda/sorta  -don't go jumping to any conclusions.
Basically, I grew up.

&  in the end, I wrote a long, twisty, disjointed blog that makes me think of "If you give a mouse a cookie...."   : )
Which makes me want to go eat all of that cookie dough in the fridge : )
pms-ing much? oh girrl, yes!

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