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Hi. You found me. Thanks for clicking over! Sit and stay awhile..... This is the view from my window... As I move around my little valley I call 'home,' I've had many different views & this is the one that I keep coming back to.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


And just like that, everyone is gone.

Your warm whispers
Out of the dark they carry my heart...
Your warm whispers
Keeping the noise from breaking through

Exhausted from not sleeping at all last night.
Achy. Contemplative. Tired. Worn out. Kaput. Stressed. Freaked.

Yes, it's the Saturday before finals. However, I've been fighting off a cold for 8 days now (I will resist!), I have had some major tests & things due the past 2 weeks at school, my sisters came to celebrate the oldest ones' birthday on Thursday (yeah 26! Yay Becca!), and then my (barely older) sister graduated last night! So proud of her (it's hard to express in words), but with graduation night came tons of family staying in our tiny 2 bedroom apartment (which is rather spacious for two, but definitely TINY for nine!....yeah. that was an experience). And then of course, what is a graduation without a party to celebrate with your college friends? On Monday, the decision was made to have a party, the time changed a few times before Thursday, and it was ABSOLUTE CRAZINESS an hour before the party. However, everything was made/cooked/arranged on time and very nicely! With a big thanks to Mom (cook), Dad (Christmas light stringer), Becca (wall decorator), and Kelly (odds & ends: cooking & decorating)....everything looked and tasted great! The party was soo much fun (once everyone got there) even with the sporadic rain and fun was had by all. Taboo, MadGab, and a bunch of friends (new and old) and family make for a fun time! So yeah, I find myself at the end of this morning super tired, drained, stressed, freaked out, discouraged, contemplative, and sad.
Why sad? I ask myself.
I don't know for certain, but I do know it is partly because I chose not to go to my great aunt's memorial service in Bakersfield. It's actually starting right now (well at 1:30). I'm sad that I am missing it, missing time with relatives, and that I won't get to hear more memories and stories about my aunt. However, I know that she (just like my mom did this morning) would encourage me to take care of the important things so I won't make myself sick. I did go to her burial service, and honestly, I know with how little sleep I got last night, that I would be an emotional wreck, furthering my stress and anxiety. So, the trip to Bako was a no go, but I am determined to get a lot accomplished, take a nap, and then SNAP OUT OF IT!
Crazy times like these remind me of how much I have to be thankful for. Although my family may seem crazy at times, I love each person very much and I'm already sad everyone is gone :)
I know, I'm still feeling bipolar okay? :)
Thanks for snuggling with me in my bed this morning Rach! Your sensitivity this morning and attempts at making me smile were wonderful (and treasured)! Love you nighty-whitey!

Update: Please do not read into the part of Rach's graduation as me being sarcastic or anything short of proud.
I am simply super emotional right now and stressed (not excuses- just explanations).
And sad.

"Quiet your heart
It's just a dream
Go back to sleep

I'll be right here
I'll stay awake

My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don't be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe
As long as you need me."

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