Simple Things

It's the simple things in life that make me tick.

Being called 'Gwace' by cute little 3 year-olds.
Learning how to throw a football from the coolest little boy.
Smelling like a baby after having held one for a few hours.
Seeing it as a treat to make a funny noise while washing your hands.
Having everything you say repeated in two cute and low little voices.
Smelling a brewing storm in the air.
Having my hair blown around in the wind.
Watching for puddles on the ground.
People watching from a bench. or from my window.
Blasting whatever music you feel like in the moment in your car.
Eating parmesan pretzels.
Seeing little kids with big bellies.
Smelling fragrant flowers that remind you of home.
Getting to class on time.
Binge-reading. Reading for FUN!
Blogging/journaling.
Playing that amazing chord progression or phrase in a song, over and over again.
Swings.
Watching the best parts from your favorite movie.
Eating just about anything super chocolatey.
Getting paid for doing nothing.
Dreaming of home decorating.
Shopping with friends.
Dashing from place to place in the rain.
Exercising and pushing your body hard after a stressful day.
Seeing old, familiar faces in unexpected places.
Waking up with a smile on your face.
Taking naps.
Knowing that you truly earned that good grade.
Reading about other peoples' lives.
Taking pictures on amazing beautiful days.
Having joy.
Realizing I am not in control. and life is perfect that way!
Dreaming and praying about the future.
Being spontaneous with friends.
Making a fool of myself. And being loved for it.
Knowing the thrill of communicating in another language.
Helping out an unsuspecting person.
Wearing that outfit that always makes you feel hott/comfy/cozy/amazing.
Being complimented on days you didn't 'try.'
Eating childhood favorite recipes.
Spontaneously making yummy desserts.
Getting green lights.
Being introspective.
Feeling cozy, relaxed, and not being busy.
Crossing things off the 'to do' list.
Meeting randomly cool new people.
Seeing a cute person.
Being checked out by said person.
Giving and getting hugs.
Celebrating birthdays.
Surprises.
Reading the Bible.
Being challenged by God, friends, life.
Realizing who I am at my core: an introverted, placator. Always apologizing, giving people too many excuses, not realizing my own needs. I'm sorry.
Seeing guys act like little boys.
Reading favorite books over and over again.
Having windows blow in fresh air and sweet breezes.
Taking pictures with friends.
Acting goofy with kids.
Spending time with cousins.
Having honest conversations with friends and strangers.
Being blessed with cool roommates.
Getting the gift of a full gas tank.
Going on adventures with friends.
Driving with the windows down at night in the mountains.
Taking naps in hammocks.
Lazy Sunday afternoons.
Sleeping.
Sleeping in. And not needing an alarm!
Being captivated by beautiful skies. sunsets. clouds.
Living in California.
Being blessed to live in the USA.
Having enlightening teachers.
Having mentors and accountability partners.
Doing satisfying work.
Working hard until you're physically exhausted.
Using power tools.
Impressing your parents.
Heck, impressing anyone!
Surprising yourself.
Being outspoken on important things.
Finding cool photographers.
Getting House Beautiful in the mail.
Watching cheesy, silly movies.
Drinking tea.
Drinking chocolate soy milk.
Eating summer fruits.
Watching leaves fall.
Watching little kids play like there's no tomorrow.
Having summer vacation.
Learning about people.
Being involved in my community.
Being surprised with the 'magic number' at the atm.
Hanging out with positive and uplifting friends.
Knowing for once that you didn't procrastinate.
Creating with my hands.
Having memories connected to smells, songs, and colors.
Seeing glimpses of God.
Traveling outside my comfort zone.
Having people remember my name.
Knowing someone well enough to finish their thoughts or not needing to use words to have conversations.
Having predictable friends.
Cutting my hair short every spring!
Dreaming about 'what I want to be when I grow up.'
Forgetting to tell people I have a twin.
Outsmarting a kid.
Taking relaxing showers.
Walking around barefoot.
Painting my nails.
Wearing jewelry.
Falling asleep while watching a movie.
Eating cereal.
Being intrigued by crime shows.
Looking at old pictures.
Going to concerts.
Curling my hair.
Having meaningful conversations, and heart-to-hearts.
Realizing and thanking God for all his blessings.

Living life.

Pajama Day

Yep! I tottled around my apartment all day in my pajamas!
Now for most people this happens occasionally on Saturdays, but since I have been having busy and early mornings on Saturdays for about the last 2 months, today was the day. I believe I got my full 12 hours of sleep last night. maybe just a little shy of that but oh well. I tried :)
If you know me pretty well, you know that I function much better with long periods of rest. (Hence the childhood nickname Sleeping Beauty and the contest of seeing how late I could sleep past my sisters on Saturdays.)
However, if you also know me much at all, you know that I am a night owl and love to stay up late doing really pointless stuff. Like watching tv or movies, eating ice cream, doing on-line window shopping, or looking up recipes that I'll probably never make. or... -ahem, reading tons of blogs-
Now don't go thinking I'm a bad person for sleeping in so late on a Sunday. It is a day of rest after all and I like to go to church at night when I'm in Fresno.
It has been a rather relaxing day. Slept in late, had some crazy-weird dreams, made a simple lunch that somehow took a loong time, ate some chocolate covered strawberries (cassie- you probably shouldn't have offered them to me- they may be gone soon!), thought about going to the gym, sort of unconsciously decided not to go to the gym, talked to my seester on the phone and had to keep asking her the same question because I wasn't really listening to her, caught up on some blog stalking, and did the norm of avoiding homework. Maybe I'll do some later- I really need to start studying for some finals. I would LOVE to get A's in all of my classes- especially because I know I'm capable of doing so in most of them! Hmmmm I wonder what I got on that test on Friday? (An A???? Please God? I studied real hard!)
Okay so yeah, I have a few blogs to be posted soon- probably tonight. Gotta dash to get ready for church- yeah, should have done that after I woke up this morning :)
Who am I kidding? If I get married, the guy better know these flaws about me, needing tons of sleep and not getting 'ready for the day' (as my mom would say) until about 2 o'clock, and not getting much done in a day. And you know what? I'm praying for a guy that will love me for that! or maybe motivate me to get my butt moving earlier in the day!

PS: prayer request: God please give me some answers about a job and housing! I'm getting antsy and starting to lose hope! Ah! Give me peace and please keep the reminders coming that I do not have control over my life and your plans always win over mine. (Last night was a good reminder of that: good friend had her car broken into. Thanks God for blessings that will come out of her situation and thanks that it wasn't me!) Ta ta for now!

My Future

Having the ability to know tentatively what will happen in my future has been somewhat lacking in my life for the last year. So when I was able to register for classes on Wednesday, I was praising God for allowing me this treat of knowing what I am doing in my life much sooner than I have been able to know recently- in at least one important area- school!

Thank you God that I was able to add the classes I needed! After a few minor setbacks and dashed hopes, God answered my feeble prayers to place me in the right classes for my next semester at State and to pretty please, especially allow me the schedule I had planned:)

God does answer prayers, no matter how insignificant they seem! I was able to do something- with His help and that of a good new friend (Heidi), to plan a little bit more of my life. Doing such planning is always a stressful and hopeful thing for me. Now I need to focus more prayer on bigger things: finding/getting a summer job and finding out where and with whom I am going to live next semester! I would really like that one answered for me, and prefer it to be answered sooner, rather than later!!

Thanks again God for providing for me, reminding me of your amazing Sovereignty, giving me surprises, and for replacing my dour spirit with one of JOY!

{The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.}

-Amazing song, amazing truth, amazing verse: Psalm 145:8

My Prayer for Today

I made you promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life its name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?


Learning to trust God and completely give up my worries, dreams, and future to Him is quite amazing.
I have been learning lately that I really need to do this.
If I do not, I stand against God and I am plaqued by the devil.
It may seem a bit strange at first, but it's true.
I have learned the hard way that worry, anxiety, and most forms of stress are not of God but of the devil.
Therefore, I have to remind myself over and over again who I belong to, who I am living for (well, who I aim to live for), and I have to literally tell myself 'worry is not of God'.
Yes, a certain amount of stress is a part of life but what my mind has been wandering to lately is not right.
I do have to add that I don't always help myself out. I can do things to make things run smoothly. However, I am often forgetful, lazy, and do not want to actually put effort into things that are important.
School is a big example of that. Lately, I have been procrastinating a lot but honestly, it ends now.

Now, I am going to be proactive and truly live my life.

Simply Live
- Ephesians 4:1-
"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

-Romans 12:12-
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."


I used to think this prayer was a load of baloney, but it really has helped me lately.
Things do not always have to come straight from the Bible to still contain bits of wisdom.
God grant me....
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

In uncertain times, I find myself drawn to lyrically based songs, phrases, and proverbs.
And you know what? I don't think that's a bad thing.
I really am a romantic at heart. I'm not such a negative and pessimistic person in my heart of hearts. Thank God for that :)

I am an instrument of the living God, my life a melody to his name.
More than the songs I sing, worship is everything
I live to glorify my King
Hear the song of my life, let it be a sweet, sweet sound, let it be a sweet, sweet sound
I raise this anthem high, let it be a sweet, sweet sound, let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Through all the mire and clay You're washing me with grace
You carry me, oh Lord, through it all, so I will testify even in the fire
I live to praise my Savior
Let everything that has breath Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord And all creation will sing Hallelujah

There is Love, that came for us
Humbled to a sinner's cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny
Through the stormAnd through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning and no end
You're my hope and my defence
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

So let Your Name be lifted higher Be lifted higher Be lifted higher


He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
Yeah, He loves us.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves


I've been staring at the sky tonight, marvelling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight, until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want
I've been thinking of changing my mind, it never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure, You're the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been counting up all my wrongs, one sorry for each star
See I'd apologise my way to you, if the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I won't find what I am looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score
Cause I know now you are so much more than arithmetic
Cause if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum................So you are the one I want

When the years are showing on my face, and my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place, from a life that sung your song
You'll still be the one I want



Sweet, sweet sound
Stronger
How He Loves
Arithmetic

Such wisdom beyond my years. I hope to one day attain this level of worship and awe of God to write a song such as these.

Hephalumps and Woozles

I feel I am in a quandry. I don't know what made me think of that word but there it is.

I feel I am stuck in a rut. In a horrible place I told myself I wouldn't go to ever again.

Responsibility. God. Life.

I feel that I am going everywhere at once and that the skin that encases my entire being is the only thing that keeps me from doing that.

I feel like I am bipolar. At one moment I am enjoying life, enjoying God; seeing, experiencing, and involved in things that bring me great joy to simply live a day on earth. The next moment, I find I loathe myself; I am irresponsible, I waste time, I covet things- menial, unimportant, temporary things. Ugh, I hate that. I hate it all. I become introverted, feeling like no one loves me, cares about me, or even really knows me. I find I am living a lie. Pretending to be happy and never succeeding.

This is all very depressing and ominous but I don't really care all that much. For whoever will read this, at least I will know that I have been completely honest and truthful, not hiding behind my cloak and secure way of living my life: doing good, trying hard, and failing.

I hate this cycle. I know like often evolves and moves in cycles, however, I find myself wishing I can somehow stop going with the current and start standing against it. I find that a simple illustration of this occurs in some of the displays of fish I love to watch at the aquarium. Every once in awhile you will see a little fish trying to swim the opposite way, trying to swim against an entire school of fish! I don't think I realized until just now why this is all so fascinating to me.

I am called to live my life this way. Living against the grain, going against my very own being and human nature.
I find that the only way I can do this is to realize who I am.
I am not that great of a person. I am not all that important in the grand scheme of things.
Yet, I am.
God calls me His own and to escape from myself, I need to realize all of this. However, I feel it gets quite old when I feel I am constantly going through such transitionary periods. Times of hating myself, feeling incapable, unworthy, and never accomplishing anything, even my simplest of goals.

Ugh. I need to escape. I need to get out of my head and live in the world around me. It makes me very glad to know I have people in my life who can sense when I need to escape from becoming too introverted and me-centered. I thank God for them and also for the moments that I do feel, and know that I am truly loved.
Maybe I question all of this for a reason. Maybe I am supposed to do this searching and evaluating and exploring for a reason. But really, how do I get here all these times? Why do I have to do this so often? Maybe it is because each time I take my focus off of God, when I become inconsistent in reading His Word, and failing to daily seek to hear Him, I become irrational, my thinking illogical, and my emotions highstrung and self-centered.
Hmm....this is such a recurrent thing for me, maybe it isn't a deeply rooted psychological problem I have.
Maybe I'm not really living in a world of hepalumps and woozles.
Maybe this is all just called life.

It's a Likely Story, Morning Glory

Update:

I made it through finals,
wondered at the likelihood of Fresno actually getting a tornado,
raced home,
raced-er- crawled along to Anaheim,
saw Missy Higgins at the House of Blues in Downtown Disney,
chilled with the fam,
made sugar cookies,
made some amazing new friends,
went to LA again,
got early Christmas goodies at Ikea,
wrapped Christmas gifts,
tried to figure out registration for classes- for about six hours,
cleaned,
played my guitar- ah! What a release from stress!
and received some early gifts!

All this to say, I hope that this Christmas season will be a contemplative and meaningful time, besides the chaos and hubub of decorating and shopping. Christmas comes only once a year and we need to remember the meaning and reason for the little baby in the manger. This year I look at the nativity scene (apparently creche is a real word) and see Jesus as a carpenter, hippie, friend to all, miracle worker, servant, teacher, and sacrifice. He is the "propitiation for my sins" and I will honor Him on December 25th and for my whole life for his choice of death. His birth guarranteed his ultimate death, and I will love and serve him for the meaning of the end of his life.


P.S. Robby Francis is a weird one. Couldn't really tell what that guy was sayin most of the time.