thoughts on being a 6 month old....

This week, silly old life got in the way of blogging. Which is totally fine with me.
If I'm writing about life, don't I have to live it too? : )

Anyways, in the past couple of days two very unusual things happened.
Sorry for that unnecessary alliteration.

1
You know when you write for a long time and then you look at your pinky finger on your writing hand and there is a smeary-smudge of whatever pen's ink you were writing with?
Well that happened to me!
And it was weird.
And it made me think of fast-talking professor's, ruled paper, and hours of taking notes on lectures.
And it -almost- made me miss Blue Books. those pesky things.
And how I doubled spaced whenever I used them, which made me write bigger for some reason, which made me write on more pages.And it kind of made me sad. It made me wish I was in school. And not done- forever.


Needless to say, since I'm now a 6-month-old college graduate, I haven't felt this inherently school feeling in a long time.
No, I haven't been feverishly taking notes in the last 6 months.
Or buying Blue Books.
Or even thinking about them.
Or ruled paper.
Or about schedules, classes, classroom numbers, tests, homework, printing papers, school supplies, finals, or just anything so very -school.-


When I started, I mentioned 2 things happened, here's numero 2:
Earlier today, I picked up a book I requested from the library.
It is a regular sized hardback book.
It seems like an interesting book so far, but it sure is, well.....academic.
Academic, how?

Well, it makes my brain hurt.

It is challenging.
Basically because I have to think more about what is actually in front of my face instead of just picking up on the meaning without any actual work. : )
I think another reason why it seems so academic to me is that it is almost the same exact size as an old textbook I had a year ago.
And then that reminds me of another textbook I had about the same size.
And that reminds me of how many long hours I spent reading both books because they were so very academic.
And about how hard those classes were hard. Not unfair professor hard, but 'my brain is being stretched so much just while reading this one paragraph that I don't know if I can wrap my head around one sentence, let alone the chapter' hard.
And then I remember how good I felt when I finally understood what the author and professor were talking about.
And how satisfied and good I felt when I knew I had really and truly earned that grade all on my own hard work.
And that makes me stop and smile.
Because although being a student brings out the neurotic side of myself (hello- I'm actually writing about ink smudges and book sizes!), I loved it -and it went well for me. because school wasn't that hard if I showed up every time, did the work, and put in effort to understand the material.
I learned really cool things when I really tried to.
And I for sure got those high grades when it mattered to me.
And they felt that.much.sweeter. when I actually worked for them- and didn't just do what I felt was mediocre work that would still get a high grade.

Maybe I was too hard of a critic of myself, maybe I set unrealistic expectations,
but maybe I knew that I didn't always do my very best and I regretted that.

Here, at the end, So what?
At the end, I can say that college taught me a lot about myself.

I learned how to do what I considered hard things  (going to 5 different colleges/universities) & I actually did those things.
I graduated from a 'big school' -something I never thought I would/could/want to ever do & I did it.
I worked several jobs where I learned a lot about myself, writing, and people in general, and also how to be a mediocre vs. a hard worker.
I figured out what I want to do for a career & started working my way towards it.
And I'm actually, maybe/possibly/kind of thinking about going to grad school for a Master's degree
-only maybe/kinda/sorta  -don't go jumping to any conclusions.

Basically, I grew up.


&  in the end, I wrote a long, twisty, disjointed blog that makes me think of "If you give a mouse a cookie...."   : )
Which makes me want to go eat all of that cookie dough in the fridge : )
pms-ing much? oh girrl, yes!

I graduated today.

And this is how I felt : )

*Bam!*

That just happened!

The One about the Ides of March

A few days after the Ides of March (March 15th), I thought I would reminisce a little.

When I think of the term, Ides of March, I think of highschool.
For I learned about it then.

When I was in highschool, I took an AP Literature class.

It was a ton of work, but quite awesome.
Yes, I was a nerd.

I discovered a few of my favorite pieces of literature that year.

Pride & Prejudice  & Les Miserables.

And the next year I discovered Beowolf too.

Anyways, in my AP Lit class, we studied King Lear for our unit Shakespeare.

Honestly, to this day I do not enjoy Shakespeare that much.

But,

after reading the play (using No Fear Shakespeare via Spark Notes -awesome book btw! It is the only way I understood the play! -that & following along with the Spark Notes summaries),

our teacher had us watch the PBS film of the play.

And our unit on Shakespeare was only redeemed from watching that one video.

Although it took forever and was somewhat boring for me (it's a strange play), there were definitely a few awesome moments.

First, there was the classic:

"Craazy Tom!"

Said when Lear's son Edgar, in disguise as a 'Tom,' is acting quite crazy.

We quoted that the rest of the year.

Also,

Then, imagine, an old, senile, crazy man, kneeling at what he thinks is the edge of a cliff, saying "Just go away and let me die!"

Then he falls over and lands with an oomph! on his face.

Because he wasn't actually at the edge of a cliff, but on flat ground the entire time.
Priceless.

We quoted that line until the end of the year too :)

Edit: Oops, I think I learned about the Ides of March from Oedipus Rex, & not King Lear, oh well!
:)

bittersweet, part dos

*This was written December 13th, 2010.
Context: during finals week. Starting to separate from college life & all it entailed.*

this is the second time on this little blog that I have written about life being bittersweet.

Right now, in this time of life,
my life tastes very bittersweet.

I am seeing the completion of a few life goals (graduate college & think about the future).

With that,
I am now experiencing the end of a very awesome period in my life.

College was awesome, I have learned so many things,
been to soo many schools,
done so many things,
studied so many subjects,
discovered new passions,
delighted in new friendships,
had a very great, rewarding, and teaching job,
moved so many times,
gone so many places,
met many interesting people,
lived life with so many different people,
learned to live life with a different purpose, passion, and heart,
grown,
matured,
retreated from fears,
learned to conquer fears with God's help,
cooked many interesting things,
worked out out of my own volition for the first time in my life :) and learned what I liked about exercise,
spoken to very interesting people,
lived with and apart from others I loved,
explored new places,
got lost a few times,
changed,
and then changed again,
experienced loss,
and experienced gain,
learned a new language (or two:),
received smiles, high-fives, hugs, and handshakes from new people,
learned how to throw a football for the first time (it only took 21 years:),
tried new foods,
gone to bed in the wee hours of the morning,
sung Happy Birthday to friends I never could have expected to have,
was challenged by an outrageously large amount of people,
was taught by said amount of people,
had different hairstyles,
shared clothes with friends,
lived close and far away to school,
had my first tastes of alcohol (blegh),
started to vote more informed,
got my first jury duty notice,
became hooked on Friends,
experienced holidays with and apart from family,
met tons of cool kids,
worked hard in school and made the Dean's List!,
received my first ticket(s),
made plans, and then changed them (many times :),
learned how to use Facebook :),
learned how to crochet,
started blogging,
discovered the joys of etsy,
went outside my comfort zone,
met some really cool highschoolers,
volunteered at a burgeoning thrift store,
went on many trips with friends,
had some very fun times with my fellow WWS'rs (my sisters!)
attended and slowly, but surely, became very involved in my church,
was baptized!,
had lots of free time,
became intrigued by design,
started seriously dreaming about the future,
really and truly learned & experienced the meaning of my name,
lived with my sister! (and loved it:),
cooked bacon for the first time,
interned at an awesome hospital,
watched my sister (and tons of friends) graduate from college,
gone to weddings of close friends,
shared in joyous and somber moments with friends,
and started to realize I was growing up.

Among these things,
I think that I valued above other things what I learned from other people, myself, and from God.
The interactions, relationships, and friendships God blessed me with in children and adults alike, allowed me to learn a lot about myself, humans, and about God.
Throughout the past five years of my life,
I have seen many pleasant, unpleasant, expected, and unexpected things happen.
I have experienced death, life, marriage, divorce, betrayal, confusion, conditional and unconditional love, joy, fear, sorrow, delight, hope, discouragement, growth, stretching, teaching, instructing, knowledge, ignorance, oblivion, awareness, grace, forgiveness, repentance, encouragement, & truth...........among other things :)


In the end,
. God,
. Fresno,
. friends, &
. family-

you have been very good to me for the last five years!

Thanks :)

After...

After having a mini cry fest earlier this afternoon about the bitter sweetness of graduating from college (leaving the comfortable schedule and routine of school) and leaving my job at school (with awesome people, an awesome boss, and awesome experiences),
I decided to stop that nonsense and start something fun!

So, I found some cheery Christmas music (read: Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas music),
boiled water for some Earl Grey tea,
started cooking some couscous,
heated up some yummy broccoli,
warmed up some chicken,
and micro'd some garbonzo beans.

I combined #s 1, 3, & 4 of the warmed up food,
dipped in the tea bag, and sat down to watch some hulu :)

fun words

Here are some fun words to sign in ASL:

awkward
show-off
place
bacon :)
facebook
meow
lucky
fire
exciting
do you mind?
Starbucks
camping
Wyoming
Korea
famous
ghost
France
California

Look them up here!
..  http://aslbrowser.commtechlab.msu.edu/browser.htm  ..

My Future

Having the ability to know tentatively what will happen in my future has been somewhat lacking in my life for the last year. So when I was able to register for classes on Wednesday, I was praising God for allowing me this treat of knowing what I am doing in my life much sooner than I have been able to know recently- in at least one important area- school!

Thank you God that I was able to add the classes I needed! After a few minor setbacks and dashed hopes, God answered my feeble prayers to place me in the right classes for my next semester at State and to pretty please, especially allow me the schedule I had planned:)

God does answer prayers, no matter how insignificant they seem! I was able to do something- with His help and that of a good new friend (Heidi), to plan a little bit more of my life. Doing such planning is always a stressful and hopeful thing for me. Now I need to focus more prayer on bigger things: finding/getting a summer job and finding out where and with whom I am going to live next semester! I would really like that one answered for me, and prefer it to be answered sooner, rather than later!!

Thanks again God for providing for me, reminding me of your amazing Sovereignty, giving me surprises, and for replacing my dour spirit with one of JOY!

{The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.}

-Amazing song, amazing truth, amazing verse: Psalm 145:8