the one where Grace is verbose

You choose.

Please take the choice from me.

For You know the best choice for me.
You know the best plans for my life.
YOU have all the plans for my life.

So, you choose!

Please do not give the choice to me.
I have already shown how I can mess that up.
Please do not give it to me.

.Take.it.away.

And please do not give it back.

Do not give it back until I'm ready.
Until You have decided.

Please show me what You have chosen.
Please reveal to me what You decide for my life.

You have given me these hopes, fears, and dreams for a reason.
I know that.
But,
please show me what to do with them.

Once I get some perspective and feel a little more capable of figuring things out,
you throw me a curve ball.
And it's only a curve ball because I didn't plan it! Ha! The audacity I have sometimes. ugh.

So, please.
Please choose.
And do not even let me try.
Do not even let me start trying to figure things out.
I just can't do it.
I cannot do it anymore.
And I cannot do it for it is not my job to do.
.
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And then I realize.

You have chosen!

I open my eyes,
look up,
look around me,
and see that, in reality, the only choice I had was to give you the choice.

I wanted to be selfish though.

I wanted to live for myself,
to accomplish my goals,
to live my dreams,
to have my needs met,
to do what I wanted to do,
to live for Grace and Grace only,
to have my life happen just how I planned it.
To live a life not of Your heart, but one where Satan wormed his way in and took over.
To live a life of hedonistic, prideful, oblivious, self.

But that is not what you ask of me or give to me.
You give me opportunities, hopes, and dreams merely as a glimpse into your plans.
You do this to help me realize that you are orchestrating my life.
Your handiwork is all over every single bit of my life.
Your fingerprints are smudged over everything!
For, you give me life!

So, please,
take away my manipulation,
take away my fear,
take away my aggravation,
take away my need to control,
take away my neediness,
take away my co-dependence,
take away my jealousy,
take away my selfishness,
take away my envy,
take away my pride,
take away my incorrect perspective,
take away my self-driven thoughts, ways of living, and ways of relating to others.

Instead,
please.....
give me a new perspective,
give me opened-eyes to see your fingerprints in my life,
give me new dreams,
give me appropriate goals,
give me confidence,
give me (a) passion,
teach me to be content,
continue to humble me,
bring me to my knees daily,
show me hope,
light my way,
guide my feet, heart, and hands,
and if you want,
give me opportunities,
even better hopes, dreams, and goals
 a burning passion of desiring you in ev.er.y. aspect of my life,
rationality,
peace,
solitude,
and responsibility.

Thank you for being You,
and keeping me...well,... me!